Thursday, July 29, 2010

"Our dreams are made out of real things" -Jack Johnson

 The movie Inception ... must see, but only if you plan on not sleeping for the next week! Christopher Nolan's take on the dream world is shocking and somewhat invasive (I won't spoil it for those who still need to see it). But it got me thinking about  the concept of your reality being a dream; and the inability to differentiate between what's real and what is a dream. I admit I am a person that dreams deeply; so when I do dream I often wake up disoriented or frazzled trying to dissect what was true and what was part of the dream.

Anyway ... think about it - our world, our beliefs or thoughts of our lives are all hyperbolic or idyllic translations of a truth; and if we define our world off these truths then what becomes of our reality?

Then there is this idea of following your dreams, making them a reality and again the transition from dream to reality becomes fuzzy. If you are chasing a dream ... and even catch it, when did you stop dreaming and start living? I mentioned this when I first started writing to you, my dear readers: I remember dreaming of living in New York, working, playing in the city and enjoying life; but I can't put my finger on when I exactly stopped dreaming. There are some pieces of the dream that are still waiting to be fulfilled and some (like my apt in the heights) that were not in the dream at all.  It's all very interesting ...

But let's not give Christopher Nolan all the credit for visualizing this concept. Anyone else out there remember, Shakespeare? A Midsummer Night's Dream, the epilogue to the audience: 

"If we shadows have offended, 
think but this, and all is mended:
That you have but slumbered here,
While these visions did appear;
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream..."

Again, another example of a creative mind developing a "scripted reality" from layers of the same dream.

So after all this, here are my thoughts:  Your life is a series of captured "dreams". They lose their element because they are captured and forced into being real life. This is why you sometimes need to get away, take time to let your mind relax, wander and get back to a place that feels like the truth; and back to the dream you were chasing. Because real dreams (oxymoron, i know) are things you will always chase because they can't be captured and placed into social norms or cookie cutter images of life. Bottom line, my dear readers, let your dreams live in their own world and catch up to them only to remember what your truth really can be.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Ah hah! The missing piece of the relationship puzzle.

To my dear female readers a piece of wisdom.

Since I have recently taken a step in my personal  history, my current relationship is the longest I've had ... ever. This step can be shocking - it's one of those "great I'm doing something right!" and then it quickly becomes, "crap - better keep doing what I'm doing" (while silently making a list of everything you've done successfully). Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of things that I haven't learned about the male species or my bf (who can attest to this). But, I'm going to give you a piece of advice I learned because I would feel selfish without passing this gem down. Be confident in yourself and your relationship. Easier said then done yes, but here's something a little easier: Relax. He loves you, or he really likes you (whatever degree you are at this point) let things move forward instead of analyzing every step of the way.

So, I've put together a few examples of commonly misconstrued quotes, along with girlfriend interpretation and actual meaning. This way next time you hear this you won't completely freak out!

Quote #1: "I just need a little space, I'm going to have a boys weekend"
Girlfriend interpretation: "OMG. He's going to break up with me ... let me freak out as much as possible and make him miserable; so if he is in fact going to end it he'll do it sooner out of annoyance. And if he doesn't then I would've ruined his idea that he wanted space and he withstands another one of my crazy illogical tests."
Actual Meaning: "I see my girlfriend all the time and I just want some time to relax and not worry about faking enthusiasm over blueberry picking. I just want to hang out with my friends."
*The interesting thing about this common misinterpretation is that guys NEVER freak out if there's a girl weekend in the making. In fact, they are encouraged! (Although, we can all admit that this encouragement is short lived, since women tend to get around each other - complain and consequently take whatever "new found" insecurities out on their boyfriends at first sight; but the initial intention of supporting a girls' weekend is good). Moral of this story,  ladies, let him have his weekend - if you are meant to be you have nothing to worry about, he's not going to cheat on you, he's probably going to do exactly what he says "just going to hang out with his friends".

Quote # 2: "What do you mean 'do I miss you' I saw you last night?"
Girlfriend interpretation: "WTF. How could he not miss me, we had such a good night last night and it's all I'm thinking about and I can't believe he doesn't even care enough to miss me already! I have all these emotions that I can't wait to share with him and all he can do is trivialize my feelings by putting a time stamp on them! That's the last time I share how I feel about him, from now on it's Closed up Christine for him!"
Actual Meaning: "I don't feel the need to tell you how much I miss you or think about you every minute we are apart. At this point by default I miss you because I like being with you, but not so much that's it's bubbling out of me to tell you. I can wait until tomorrow to see you - I won't die."
*In defense of most women who default to the girlfriend interpretation this can appear a little vague - but think about this if it was in the other extreme ... picture a boyfriend that couldn't bear to leave you and the moment he steps in his car and he's out of hearing distance (since he screams I LOVE YOU out of his car window down the street)  he's calling or texting you how much he misses you. That's no way to live, or love for this matter. Bottom line: Relax he misses you - and keep it interesting so it will give him something to miss you for.

Quote # 3: "Do you think we could just have a night in tonight?"
Girlfriend interpretation: "WHOA. Who does he not want to see out - he's hiding something, since he knows I've been planning this meet up with all my girlfriends and I want him to come. How could he spring this on me?! Great he's cheating...fml."
Actual Meaning: "I want to spend time with you. Just you."
*This is my favorite reaction because it's not just with nights out, it's the reaction that comes from girls with any activity that boyfriends do not seem overly enthusiastic about (like blueberry picking - who wouldn't want to do that??). Ladies, I know you love your girlfriends, but if your man wants to just hang out with you that's not something to complain about. In fact it's probably a good thing because it shows that he doesn't need to go out constantly aka consistently scope out the room for the next gf. Or he's probably trying to avoid that foreseen awkward situation where he's the only man in a group of 10 women - can you blame him?

Key Takeaways - trust. If you trust yourself and you trust your boyfriend you should be able to read between the lines a little better and not default to your crazy "OMG, he hates me" thoughts. Enjoy your relationship and the people you are becoming together, who knows if you stop being crazy you might have time to love a little more and let him love you better.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Thank goodness for pairs...

The greatest pair I can think of my shoes! And I was quickly reminded of this last night. Better than PB&J, bagels and cream cheese, Tiny and Toya (ok maybe not them).

After a grueling day at the office I went for a run with a friend and it had been a while since I hit the pavement. I neglected the ipod because I wanted to focus; I wanted to hear the steady beat of my feet against the ground. I wanted my mind to wander and dream... and it did. Then I was reminded what it's like to have a running buddy. I hadn't had one since training for my first long distance race in 2008, when I ran a 10 miler with one of my dearest friends. We were so good together because whenever I couldn't breathe or it was getting too hard, she would just say "you're doing a good job" and I would think - "self, you are doing a good job" (ok I don't address myself this way in my head, but for the purpose of this piece... go with me). I don't know if it was the elementary school teacher in her, or the genuine thoughtfulness that she had to inspire me - either way I'm grateful (though I'm confident it's the latter).

We found in each other true friendship because we made a team sport out of a solo activity and we had plenty of conversations on topics that can only strengthen a relationship. And then she graduated... and I generally ran on my own. I'll admit I resorted to counting to 8 in my head or trying to count how many people would wear green that day on my run. Obviously, it wasn't the same, however that was when I established my runs as a place of solace a true get away from daily stress and surroundings. I can always tell if I have a good run because I almost feel disoriented when I walked into my house - almost a complete out of mind experience. Oh, how I love my running!

Running puts everything in perspective. It's interesting the verb "to run" in our vernacular is often used as an action to signal the escape from something. Running has taught me to not only escape my bad day, but on good days it's taught me to run towards something. The sport has taught me to dig deep and that no matter how hard it might be, you can always go one more mile and get to the end. As most active people can tell you, this not only rings true to the sport, but also to life.

And my running shoes, well they are like the relationships that I've built. The pair I become with each relationships that makes me who I am. I think the true value of a friendship/relationship occurs when you can count on them to make you whole, when you only feel like half of yourself. It's the person who makes sure you are comfortable when you sleep because they know you'll be sore the next day. It's the friend who pushes you forward, but stays close to catch you. Each of my relationships add something to some aspect of my life; they make that part of me whole. You realize you're a pair when you cannot function without the other. Ever lose a shoe before work?? I'm sure you all have at some point; you have to put something on and if you have to pick a different pair - it just doesn't feel right that day. And that's when you know. Nothing feels right in that part of your life without them.

Sure you find your own solace and sure you can look within yourself for inspiration, but you cannot deny that extra push for that extra mile - the simply "you're doing great" can bring you to the finish line stronger.




Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...