I know. I know. It's been a while since I've written you ... the thing is, I've been struggling to concentrate my thoughts into a coherent piece for you to read. There have been a few ripples in the pond these last few weeks (to say the least) and pretty much my mind has been completely saturated with thoughts the only thing I could viably say I was feeling was confused.
And on top of everything, my Internet and cable was turned off for like a week (don't ask); I was restricted to watching episodes from Sex and the City. Does any one else wonder why Darren Star's portrayal of New York, lacks people of color? The closest thing they come to are cab drivers and they don't have sex in the city - they live in Brooklyn. Frankly, all popular TV shows are like that or the women of color are asexual. Grey's ... Dr. Bailey - you can't see her as sexy, Christina Yang, she's too angry and focused to be sexy. The thing is I think women of color are too sexy for TV. That's right, we have too much to offer and some writer from a top tier journalism school has yet to figure us out.
OK, OK, so you tell me to watch Girlfriends? First the show was canceled by popular demand and second I refuse to believe that every black woman can be classified within the following stereotypes; too hood for prime time TV, successful and non-marriage material, the light skinned confused one that doesn't know what she wants so settles on not settling, and finally the pretty one that loves herself too much she realizes no one can match her. Are these women the mirror TV show of Sex and the City "in living color"?? Or is the whole premises of female television founded in the underline fairy tale of happily ever after? I'm not going to even mention the abomination of Lifetime movies. *Although as a side note, I have been known to watch one or two on a hyper sensitive weekend...
And if you for a minute take this theory of women television to be true, wouldn't the male counterpart of Sex and the City be ... Entourage? In this television fantasy the men never marry, or commit to anything, except making themselves better. At the end of each fantasy the women get to be with their men and men fall deeper in love with themselves. I agree that as a form of vicarious living this is true.
The female characters being a identification point for ourselves. However, I fall victim and witness to women in our real lives letting them become saturated with men and the thought of men or dating or marriage or a combination of this list. Here's a real life example, I knew a girl in college who's boyfriend was in medical school her fourth year. Every Thursday night in preparation for his visit she would give herself a bikini wax, deep condition and a manicure/pedicure. On a day to day basis she was always drop dead gorgeous, but I couldn't help but wonder if one Thursday she would forget one of her primping details and he would notice...? Honestly, how truthful and substantial is a relationship if her week was built off growing enough hair to wax on Thursday...
I know as women we aren't all like my friend from college, nor do we embody the "Carrie, or Joan" from the characters on women television; but again, I point out that for both men and women the characters allow us to see the value in feeling accomplished in the eyes of another AND ourselves.
When you look in the mirror you have two faces looking back you (no you're not drunk) but you're seeing yourself as in your simplest form. This is the person that knows they pick their nose or purposefully slams dishes in the morning out of spite for their still sleeping roommates. The other face is you of course, but it's the person you want people to see. No one wants people to know that they have a checklist by the door of things to remember before leaving the house. Or the blemish that is harder to hide, when left uncovered would reveal why you hate mother's day or tell the story of why your prayers never change because you still have hope for people in your life that have failed you. The combination of these perceptions makes you your own, the sacrifice or giving into one of these parts loses the whole. Although you successfully hide these things from people it's all apart of one. I journey to say first see yourself in the simplest form stick with her (or him) for a while, before primping and putting makeup on the other.
Now, for a special note to my male readers: love your lady as much as you love yourself... who knows you might find someone that loves you even more than you do.
Write to you soon ...
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