Unfair for whom?

The Un-Fair Campaign: A cry for help for those who are privileged

Has anyone else seen this campaign called the "Un-Fair Campaign"? It's an initiative from Minnesota that hopes to put a stop on white privilege by leveraging those "affected" by this unseen biased. Creatively, it's clear this was inspired by the NO H8 campaign (writing on the face), but I would challenge this group to notice that NO H8 was simple in its execution vs. paragraphs written on a variety of Caucasian participants.

The idea behind this campaign is interesting. It's an initiative calling attention to the unfair ADVANTAGES that white Americans receive. However, here's what's fundamentally convoluted: The target audience for this, presumably Americans, fall in one of these two categories (with/or without color). Most initiatives succeed because they leverage statistics that have negative effects on the target audience; therefore, if the majority of this target audience, according to the campaign stands to receive positive benefits where does the inspiration live?

Not only does this have a lack of inspiration, but the call to action is weak: "hey, pay attention to us we're not being discriminated against!" I do admire this group for finding a niche way of articulating a challenge in America's society; however, by contrary this campaign negatively embodies a struggle for power that is uniquely "colored" by race.

You'll see what I mean if this campaign succeeds. The success of this campaign can also prove in its mission to be a failure. Given this is an argument that can also be seen in a larger debate regarding racial politics (historically and to date) put to the forefront by men and women of color; one can argue if this succeeds NOW with a "white face" championing the cause, privilege is still upheld.  


Not to mention, ironically, you can donate to these privileged suffers; now, what's fair about that?

Return On Investments, relationship style

In business the ever-popular term Return On Investment (ROI) is almost always used in a question: What is my ROI with XYZ...?
When I hear this commonly over-used work abbreviation it makes me wonder, why shouldn't we evaluate our relationships on the same scale?
We all know you have to "put in work" when starting a relationship, but what if you put in too much and the relationship fails? Or what if you don't put in enough and your growth is minimized? OK, maybe I have work on the brain, but let me put this in context - AKA a story!

I have a friend; she's smart, successfully, cute, kind, and a little quiet. She carried on a relationship with a seemingly interesting male for several months. Time investment. She compromised her better judgment by engaging in late night meet ups. Investing in opportunities. She spent time ruminating and contemplating over each mixed signal, always hoping and considering the best-case scenario and ignoring the red flags. Bad investment... So when this not so awesome male figure ended up admitting to still being involved in a serious relationship with an old girlfriend and deemed himself emotionally unavailable, but anxious to keep her on his team, the relationship bank officially ruled: no growth or opportunity in this relationship, negative return on investment.
So what happens when you put in all this work and no benefits come of it? Is it no wonder relationships have transformed from courting to dating to sexting? Know what you're in for is today's mentality and it's all for the sake of saving your investment and energy for one person who really deserves it.  And no, this isn't something my friend expressed, these are situations that happen to everyone and unfortunately (or fortunately) the longer you are with someone leads you to a similar logical question of value or ROI: "is s/he worth it?". From a relationship perspective, begs a deeper answer from the heart and mind coming together to form a conscious decision. Often, the positive or negative answer to: if I give my all-will you be the one I love?
Similar to what I advised my friend, anyone who you feel is taking more than they can give is on the bottom part of the worth scale. Anyone that can try and make you feel less than YOU are worth doesn't deserve any investment, time- opportunity or quality. However, I do believe, there is a tendency to test to true value of a relationship. And there, comes a point in any relationships when we have to stop testing the worth and appreciate the value-otherwise you spend all your time analyzing the investment and never enjoying the benefits.

How do you like your coffee?

I haven't done a relationship post in a while - so it was fate when I was pulled into a heated argument with my roommates (and one of their boyfriends) - tada! A post is born.
The question of the day: Do Black men step up to the plate when it comes to marriage? Or have Black women taken their role as Mighty Woman too seriously and their melanin counterparts are adding milk and sugar to their coffee?

Before jumping in, let me set the stage and give you a synopsis of the characters:
Roommate Number 1: She's loud. Her argument style is to keep repeating what she wants to say at increasing decibels until someone's ear drums burst OR someone throws up the white flag.
Roommate Number 2: Was the one with her boyfriend present, so she was a little quiet until he said something that could be indicative of their relationship.
The Male: #losing

The women argued that the men in this situation can't accept the responsibilities of marriage. Our male perspective told us that it was Black women like roommate number 1 that makes Black men shy away from marriage - implying her attitude was the main reason Black women don't make it to the marriage material folder (rude *insert eye roll). Both roommates seemed to be concerned that once the financial security comes and marriage is feasible - they add milk to their coffee and no longer like their coffee black and strong.

When I was asked for my two cents my answer was this: Most men black or white need to feel financially complete before they can commit to something like marriage. For example, if financial security is not in the horizon, chances are you're not getting a ring any time soon. In terms of the Black man changing their flavor and taste, I do think Black women need to expand their palette and consider a cafe au lait - if the coffee is weak.