Monday, March 11, 2013

Personally, half baked

Ha! Bet you were hoping there's a chocolate chip cookie recipe here. Well ...

I know I tend to write about "figuring it out" and giving sometimes half-baked advice, but that's what's going on right now in my life. I'm 26 for goodness sakes; I'm allowed to be fickle. I think of it this way, life at 26 is like eating partially baked cookies, enjoying the gooey-ness, but worried about the salmonella.
It's like a constant worry that you should've done something differently, but can't worry about it until something bad actually happens.

Lately, on several unrelated accounts, I've been getting a lot of questions about identity - things like who are you? Summarize your life experience. So I thought, if some people are asking me to help figure out who they are and I'm doing the same, why not post about it!
I've read personal statements and profiles and as a writer I'm slightly embarrassed to say it's so hard to write mine!
How do you eloquently and succinctly say:  Listen, I want to make people laugh when I write, but I'm not super funny - witty sometimes, silly even, I like to think I'm the right amount of funny that can be taken seriously, later. I want to be the relief in a tense room, not the source of anxiety. I want to make people understand through my writing, like really get it, you know lump in your throat like your swallowing back pride understand. I want to make people appreciate my ideas and say things like "I wish I thought of that" or "whoever came up with that idea was creative!" But then I get nervous when I have to write something interesting/meaningful/etc. in a birthday card, ugh. I'm the type of person that picks a slow song for their love song then realizes it's about breaking up (circa 2005). I'm also scared of failure, and I hate disappointing people. I like traditions and I'm awful at picking a restaurant.
Some people are just good at those things. Some people are just built that way. So the way I was built, the way you were built when do you get to know what that means?
You know, I spend my day thinking, reading, learning and creating brands and I get home and have no idea what historical elements have shaped and established me! Perpetually figuring it out. Oh, how ironically not funny life can be.
I guess I can appreciate that I learned the things I am not. I am not a math person, I will absolutely give you an incorrect answer if you ask me to do math in my head. I'm not someone who will have a natural hair journey because I'm determined to rally together my relaxed strains into an interesting coiffe (the fight rages on).
So I know a few things about who I am and even more about who I am not, but am I done, fully cooked? Crisp and ready to be paired with a glass of milk? Doubtful. See, it's not about figuring it out right now, it's about believing there's more out there for you, and being (borderline) selfishly-determined. It's like at 26 you know you can bake these cookies all the way and they will be good, or you might burn them -- who knows. But maybe it's best to enjoy them in their gooey-semi-raw stage. A transition that can feel close to the real thing, but definitely not finished. Perhaps, there's something awesomely delicious about half-baked.
Maybe, that's just what we need (minus the salmonella of course)!

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