Sunday, September 25, 2011

Dare You to Tell the Truth

Friday, I spent a night with the ladies. An uninterrupted night (well besides the usual Harlem soundtrack) with wine, catch up seshs and trading of advice/stories.
Without going into detail, there were two ladies in somewhat transitional points in relationships: meaning it was starting to go down that "not working" path. My personal philosophy is that when you can start to identify those points that are borderline breakup material, you should probably end it before you become even more disappointed. So as I was top lining these convos of the night for the seemingly uninterested bf, he exclaims: "don't you know you aren't suppose to give your friends real advice? Just let them do as they want and agree to whatever it is."
Another odd, surprisingly might be true exclamation from the honeys. So does that mean, no matter how much my girlfriend wants my opinion she really just wants me to tell her "go ahead girl, stay with him?" At what point do we become intrusive as a third party and disable that sounding board effect you have as a friend?
We all know girl code exists, but I don't remember reading a vow of silence being ingrained in the commandments. We're also getting to a point where we have or had substantial relationship learnings that are crucial to pass along - and that leads to the sometimes uninvited comments. I admit I have been on the other end of the receiving unprovoked comments and I didn't want to hear that mess. So I know I'm not the only one that does it, what do we do it? I've decided there are two things that create this convoluted situation of what can be called Girlfriend Feedback.
1. Women, as most of us know, are infamous for ruminating. A natural, innate process that allows us to analyze, critique and belabor incidences, ever after. Girl talk is the pinnacle of the information dump that's going through your head all those days in advance of girl night. So when you are there telling your girlfriends your heart and soul, you don't really want to develop a solution or, as we say in PR, decide on next steps.
The second point is, it's hard to do when you care about your friends and you don't want them to fall into your old footsteps - you talk until you're sure you've convinced them. However, in the end it's her life and her decision. Something that works for you might not work for her: ergo stay out of it and let her make her own choices.
So girl night part two will include less commentary and more listening - guess that's why you have two ears and only one mouth right? Stick to those proportions.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Au naturelle

I've found myself contemplating, planning, making lists and trying to decide on what I should do with my hair, is going natural the answer? Let me pause for a definition: going natural means to stop processing my hair with a relaxer treatment. The relaxer straightens my hair, by breaking down the proteins that give my hair its makeup, but it also strips the hair of priceless protein oils for growth. Ergo, hair is a mess.
I've found myself obsessively thinking about how to go forward with my hair because if you don't know: maintain black hair is a long and arduous process. Why? I don't know, but let me demystify a few common misconceptions or things you just don't know when it comes to black hair.  My hair wet doesn't look the same once it's dried (unless you want to wait 2.5 hours). Washing my hair is an ordeal, it takes time - wash, deep condition, blow dry and flat iron. I'm tending to my hair so much on Sundays, I feel like I have to break have dinner for energy and go back to taming. My hair is thick - it's healthy for the most part (knock on wood), but it's thick. It's hard to maintain with my workout plan - ever notice in the gym, women either have "gone natural" (afros, twists, dreds) some other form of natural styling, but very few are relaxed and breaking a sweat. It's pretty much impossible and becomes an ultimatum it's either nice hair or a fit bod.

To me it's six in one hand half a dozen in another - relaxing your hair, hoping for little to no breakage OR going natural? I'm sorry, but I don't think I can deal with the TWA (Teeny Weeny Afro). Definition: TWA is the beginning of the natural process, when the person going natural makes the big chop, cuts all her hair down to get rid of the relaxed hair, what's left is a teeny weeny afro.

On the other hand I've seen evidence of perpetually relaxing and hair loss that can come of that. Plenty have seen the movie "Good Hair", but you probably only know a small dose of the reality that the documentary reveals. While Chris Rock so eloquently tried to explained to the nation the history and conundrum of black hair, it's not as easy as you think to go through and get rid of your process treatment. When you think about the time invested over years and years to see it do nothing, but make things worse? Makes you wish there was a warning label with the long term effects. Then again, it probably wasn't your decision - I can just see my Dad now, struggling with this massive ball of hair wondering "what can I do to my baby's hair?" and a Just For Me commercial comes on like an answer to his prayers.
Going natural won't save me any time - in fact I'll probably go back to where this journey all started and wonder - what am I going to do with this hair. 

So now that I've talked myself in circles, getting no closer to a decision, and making a confusing situation even nappier, here's my true question what is really going to work? Or maybe another peel off the old onion of life, is letting me know I'm going to need to accept what I have and make it work?
Either way, it's Sunday - so I have some hair maintenance to attend to. Until next time my dear readers!

Monday, September 12, 2011

I live in the robbin' hood.

They say majority of crimes happen by those who know you - so when my apartment was robbed, it shouldn't come as a shock that we knew who stole more than cookies from the cookie jar.
Life will go on right? Good thing we don't believe in cutting off someone's hand anymore when they steal...

So, last year I was writing to you about an ex-roommate stealing my razor blades - and this year the theft in my apartment has escalated to a misdemeanor. It's crazy, when I was younger the biggest crime I witnessed was someone eating grapes in the super market. Now, there are literally people I know (**cough cough ex roommate who stole my razor blade cough**) who married someone to get their visa - can we say ILLEGAL?
So the moral of this story is:
  1. Lock your doors
  2. Trust them as far as you can throw them
  3. Don't do anything illegal, it will come full circle
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