To my dear female readers a piece of wisdom.
Since I have recently taken a step in my personal history, my current relationship is the longest I've had ... ever. This step can be shocking - it's one of those "great I'm doing something right!" and then it quickly becomes, "crap - better keep doing what I'm doing" (while silently making a list of everything you've done successfully). Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of things that I haven't learned about the male species or my bf (who can attest to this). But, I'm going to give you a piece of advice I learned because I would feel selfish without passing this gem down. Be confident in yourself and your relationship. Easier said then done yes, but here's something a little easier: Relax. He loves you, or he really likes you (whatever degree you are at this point) let things move forward instead of analyzing every step of the way.
So, I've put together a few examples of commonly misconstrued quotes, along with girlfriend interpretation and actual meaning. This way next time you hear this you won't completely freak out!
Quote #1: "I just need a little space, I'm going to have a boys weekend"
Girlfriend interpretation: "OMG. He's going to break up with me ... let me freak out as much as possible and make him miserable; so if he is in fact going to end it he'll do it sooner out of annoyance. And if he doesn't then I would've ruined his idea that he wanted space and he withstands another one of my crazy illogical tests."
Actual Meaning: "I see my girlfriend all the time and I just want some time to relax and not worry about faking enthusiasm over blueberry picking. I just want to hang out with my friends."
*The interesting thing about this common misinterpretation is that guys NEVER freak out if there's a girl weekend in the making. In fact, they are encouraged! (Although, we can all admit that this encouragement is short lived, since women tend to get around each other - complain and consequently take whatever "new found" insecurities out on their boyfriends at first sight; but the initial intention of supporting a girls' weekend is good). Moral of this story, ladies, let him have his weekend - if you are meant to be you have nothing to worry about, he's not going to cheat on you, he's probably going to do exactly what he says "just going to hang out with his friends".
Quote # 2: "What do you mean 'do I miss you' I saw you last night?"
Girlfriend interpretation: "WTF. How could he not miss me, we had such a good night last night and it's all I'm thinking about and I can't believe he doesn't even care enough to miss me already! I have all these emotions that I can't wait to share with him and all he can do is trivialize my feelings by putting a time stamp on them! That's the last time I share how I feel about him, from now on it's Closed up Christine for him!"
Actual Meaning: "I don't feel the need to tell you how much I miss you or think about you every minute we are apart. At this point by default I miss you because I like being with you, but not so much that's it's bubbling out of me to tell you. I can wait until tomorrow to see you - I won't die."
*In defense of most women who default to the girlfriend interpretation this can appear a little vague - but think about this if it was in the other extreme ... picture a boyfriend that couldn't bear to leave you and the moment he steps in his car and he's out of hearing distance (since he screams I LOVE YOU out of his car window down the street) he's calling or texting you how much he misses you. That's no way to live, or love for this matter. Bottom line: Relax he misses you - and keep it interesting so it will give him something to miss you for.
Quote # 3: "Do you think we could just have a night in tonight?"
Girlfriend interpretation: "WHOA. Who does he not want to see out - he's hiding something, since he knows I've been planning this meet up with all my girlfriends and I want him to come. How could he spring this on me?! Great he's cheating...fml."
Actual Meaning: "I want to spend time with you. Just you."
*This is my favorite reaction because it's not just with nights out, it's the reaction that comes from girls with any activity that boyfriends do not seem overly enthusiastic about (like blueberry picking - who wouldn't want to do that??). Ladies, I know you love your girlfriends, but if your man wants to just hang out with you that's not something to complain about. In fact it's probably a good thing because it shows that he doesn't need to go out constantly aka consistently scope out the room for the next gf. Or he's probably trying to avoid that foreseen awkward situation where he's the only man in a group of 10 women - can you blame him?
Key Takeaways - trust. If you trust yourself and you trust your boyfriend you should be able to read between the lines a little better and not default to your crazy "OMG, he hates me" thoughts. Enjoy your relationship and the people you are becoming together, who knows if you stop being crazy you might have time to love a little more and let him love you better.
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