Oh how far you will go...

A marathon is my limit, but what can you honestly say is yours? Running is one of those things our bodies naturally excel in. It's one of our basic reactions to fear or trouble - fight or flight. A long distance race is nothing more than a flight from the fear of failing.  It's a strange dynamic I think, but it's one that I love. This weekend I finished my fourth marathon and I have to say this was my favorite so far and was one of those runs where I finished and thought, "this is why I do this." So what did I learn this year?

Run the race in thirds: the first third with your legs, the second with your mind and the third with your heart. 

With this in mind, this is a recap my run:

The first with my legs: 0-9miles
I started the run - of course - having to go to the bathroom. My biggest fear this race was having to stop and missing minutes towards my goal. So what happens mile 4 : I can't hold it. Do I just let it go? Fall into the categories of runners who pee on themselves? No. I can't bring myself to do it -- sacrifice your body is one thing, running 22 miles in your own pee -- quite another... So I stop at a port-a-potty with a short line. A girl is waiting, I ask her how long her friend will be and she informs me that she doesn't have to go. So glancing at my watch every 2 milliseconds, I'm pacing out of anxiety and distraction to prevent from peeing - then her friend comes out and her friend goes "well I'm here now, might as well".... Fuming staring at my watch contemplating publicly relieving myself I start to panic, my pace group is out of sight, 4:40 pace group draws near. I pace even more and two and a half minutes later she finally emerges... Sweet. 2.5 minutes I have to make up. So because this is the part of the race I use my legs, I do just that - I finish my business and sprint to catch up with the 4:25 pace group -- Mile 6 I'm back in the race.

The second leg with your head: 9-18
The middle miles are always the hardest, after 13 miles no one is really cheering you on and you start to notice the nuances of the natural group that forms around you running your pace. I had the church group behind me praying the rosary for 2 miles (one involving a hill); I had the man running in a suit, I had the woman presumably coughing up a hairball. I had to play this one smart otherwise this was going to drive me crazy. So I told myself: "run for 2 minutes hard and take 2 minutes to stride." If you know me I made up a song to the beat of my pace "push, push, push for two more minutes --" counting down until I was at 15 seconds, then I counted the seconds." Very distracted and currently oblivious of my surroundings (except for the hacking because I'll be damned if I get spit on) I pressed on saw mile 18 come and go and I'm in the home stretch.

The third leg with your heart: 18-26.2
Now, you get to mile 18 and you think GREAT I have under double digits to go. And then it registers ... uh I have 8 miles to go. Mile 22 I slow for water and in an unprecedented move I bring my leg up for a high knee stretch. The sheer pain that struck my body at that moment was enough for me to cry, but I had 4 miles left and I was NOT stopping and for sure wasn't going to go down for a leg cramp! So I kept going and pulled a move only saved for this last set - I picked a guy someone I knew would give me a challenge and it was a race to the finish.
Happily hearing my name as I sprinted (yes I did!!) across the finish - my amazing boyfriend was there waiting ready to hug me in probably my most sweaty state :)

So I've divulged some secrets here that worked for me - that day I ran my personal best clocking a 4:24. A marathon is my limit, but my goals are without boundaries.
So how far will YOU go? Everyone has their limits, but this question is one of will not of ability.

You take 1/2

So it's 2012 - end of the Mayan calendar, beginning of my first mile marker in becoming a centenarian. Just kidding, I know I'm being a little dramatic about my birthday, so don't worry that's not why I'm writing to you today. I've been thinking about sharing; you know this was the first year my honeys came with me over the holidays. I had spent a few holidays with his family so this completed the circle - we shared our families with each other. At the end of it my bf discovered I'm the weird one in my family...
We shared so many wonderful moments together, laughing at my nephew who talks like he's a thirty year old trapped in a three year old body. Seeing the matriarch of my family hold our newest member. Listening to my sister vow to only invest in relationship that are valuable in the truest sense of that word. We spent four days together at home and my bf left with the most cookies from my Grammy (much to my Dad's dismay) and more of my heart than he can know. Might be slow on understanding this, but here's what I figure - I give 1/2 of me and you give me 1/2 of you, as long as we promise to make each other whole whenever we're together what more can a girl ask for?

Fine Print

I normally stay away from food/restaurant/dining reviews primarily because I'm not a certified food/restaurant/dining critic, and sometimes you might just have to chalk up a bad experience to the restaurant having a bad day. However, this I needed to write about because I think it's a customer experience that people should be cautioned of.
This weekend I decided to try my first Groupon and go to a wine tasting with the bf. The wine was delicious and I even learned a few things that will make me pause before ordering my staple Pinot. We arrive to Giorgio's in good fashion (not my typical 15 minutes late) and the honeys and I sat down for what he likes to call "one of my adventures." To our right was a nice couple from Edison, NJ (who apparently had reservations for dinner at Top of the Rock following the tasting). To our left were a brother/sister looking pair, the brother (we'll call him) obnoxiously called out random facts about his personal wine journey and how he loves reds. Needless to say, he continuously got the side eye all night from most of the participants in the class.
10 wines, two types of cheese, salami, mini pizzas (called artisan - but resembled a cracker with red sauce) - the night was going well. Even our instructor,  a Bulgarian woman named, Maggie could be named mildly entertaining and outright funny 10 wines deep. Then we started to pack up to leave.
So here is where I need to derail slightly so that you have the full picture: Groupon offers an ironically named and yet informative section on each deal called "the fine print", in which they intend to claim all terms and conditions that could be defined as "the catch". Nothing in this fine print section mentioned "you might get bamboozled at this deal site...."
Back to the story - the honeys and I were leaving and Maggie approaches us with the bottle of wine promised in the deal in addition to a $9.00 tax and whatever gratuity we would like to add. Now, all this is understandable as Groupon specifies "tax not included" however, I have two points, 1. someone could have mentioned/reminded us of this before/during/after we sat down for the class and 2. four people left while we scrambled through our bags. When we reveal a $20.00 bill and ask for the change she becomes very insistent that gratuity isn't included and that she only has $10 bills, mind you, on a Saturday night. Now, since I've worked in a restaurant before I cannot explain to you the rarity that early on a Saturday night you run out of change for twenties. Not only does it risk the chance that people just won't tip you - it's just not very smart business. So while we're debating on the reality that she really didn't have change for the $10 she handed over, two more patrons that did the wine class walk out. Here's my gripe: in the 4 minutes that you bamboozled us $20.00, six people walked out without paying the tax OR gratuity and with a free-ninety-nine bottle of wine.
I'm not cheap, but I'm wondering - was that legit? Or were we just the lucky couple selected for the price increase?
And Dear Groupon, is this something you support... the duping of customers?

Weight A Minute

Every girl has their fitness or weight issue. Mine? Happens in cycles, I'm a runner so naturally if I'm signed up for a race my endorphins are flowing I'm working out regularly, eating right and feeling nonchalant about grabbing extra toppings at 16 handles. What happens on the down turn? My poor boyfriend gets his dose of crazy. So on this occasion of a downturn my roommate unbeknown to me broke the weight in the scale automatically adding a full five lbs to your true weight. So, there I am a week before I'm suppose to be in a bikini, just finished a hefty cup from 16 handles and I weighed myself. In typical fashion I waited before my shower (can't have clothes weighing me down) and there it was... a number I've never seen before. I walked into the room face covered from a combination of tears and shower mist and I wallowed to my boyfriend about canceling the trip - an expensive non-refundable trip, clearly I wasn't thinking rationally. Luckily my honey let me rant rave and then explained to me the scale was broken, he had tried it earlier...

I'm not the only one with extreme measures. I had a friend who pledged to go on a survivor diet - she picked the hottest week in the summer where she did nothing but drink warm tap water for that week and sit in the hot sun. I guess re-enacting being on a desert island makes sense if you have convinced yourself your naturally small frame is morbidly obese.

That's the other thing, my friends have a tendency to exaggerate their features. Bloated stomach becomes a prognosis for lap-band or trying on pants after they come out the dryer equals neurotic stints at the gym on the elliptical. See ladies, pretty illogical when you read it in print.
So how can we change? What can I say to convince an entire sex that creating routines around dieting and what not to eat plans only makes for an interesting brag session with the girlfriends and that being skinny is only relative to who you are standing next to. Probably nothing, but let's face it the only person who really cares about how well you fit in a size 2 is your friend in a size 0 and she probably hopes they are a little too tight, but I digress...
I decided to impart this knowledge on health, beauty and dieting to my dear readers that I discovered while figuring out my own lunacies: scales can be broken, jeans can shrink in the wash, but you'll never look your best thinking you are already at your worst. Hopefully, this should get someone through their next stint, don't be so hard on yourself, objects appear larger in mirrors anyway :)

She is my friend!

I had a very interesting conversation with the bf this week. I've had more than one of my lady-friends claim they are down in the dumps because they are sans boyfriend and living in the city. Take note, Sex and the City might look fun and exciting, but when you are living one bad date after another - it takes its toll. You begin to question whether you are the Carrie of your friends ... or the Miranda.
But never fear - Miranda gets married (and then her husband cheats on her, but that's WAY later). Anyway this conversation with my honeys of what to do about my friends feeling a little less than depressed came to a shocking question.

When it comes to friendships, do boys care more about their friends than girls do?
We landed here because when it comes to happiness it wasn't the amount of friends or social life that was evaluated it was all about the relationship status. My bf pointed out that it doesn't matter to a boy so much that it effects how you feel about a whole city and its experience. At the end of the day, it truly is bros over ... well you know.
For girls, it seems no matter how many friends we have or how many pictures we take having a blast, if there is no man in the picture (literally and figuratively) then the memory of the good time becomes lost. Even those in less than desirable situations, like a boyfriend overseas or cross-country, any relationship is better than none... right?
On the other hand, boys look for situations to celebrate without their girlfriends. Trips to Vegas, "boys night out", you get it.  Let's face it when was the last time a male created his milestones around a woman/marriage...

This idea of friendship and the ever celebrated "sisterhood" that is suppose to be one of the strongest bonds in nature could quite possibly be contingent on a male relationship. Not to bring up fiction or movies, but even in these depictions, female relationships are stronger when a male partner is found or established. Then the sisterhood bond is complete - and although fiction, these are the standards and social norms that we've adopted.

What's even more interesting is the aftermath of a breakup. Women - look to their friends for support and continual male bashing of the former relationship. However, the girl's friends can't help but point out that her relationship was unhealthy due to the lack of attention she gave them in the duration and that she was totally consumed in their relationship (can we say jealous). Unless, the relationship was really unhealthy I haven't heard of guy friends complaining of this "lack of attention" to the brotherhood!

So at the end of the day, the sisterhood is really a question of friend or foe and coincidental timing on a girl's relationship status. No wonder there is no status update for friendships or connections of Facebook, because I imagine a lot of women would have an "it's complicated" status.

Those Three little words.

"Oh, I'm sorry" - I probably say this more from bumping into someone than admitting I'm wrong about something. Sometimes I think these words might be harder to say than I love you or I forgive you.

So, the big question - in a relationship, who should apologize first? The boy. Obvis.
It's been my experience that when a man is in love his ego becomes half the size of his heart, which means he puts his lady in front and will apologize first. However, there are times when these boys attempt to assert their executive decision card and turn the tables - making their lady forget who was wrong and grovel to get back in good graces. Here's a prime example:

Once in a while I venture to NJ with my bf - he picks me up at the train. On the weekends the trains leave on the :11 minute of the hour and arrive into NJ on the :51 minute of every hour. Now, this particular weekend my phone was dead, but I've been making this trip for about 3 years, so I'm thinking - he'll be there no later than :55...wrong. I had to find a pay phone - yes circa 1980 - and try to touch less than five percent of the receiver to call, risking contracting ebola... fifty cents and ten minutes later, no answer, still waiting.
I'm mad. When he finally comes, I greet him with: "tardy for the party much?" And he becomes all Silent Stanley on me with an attitude, counter arguing that I should have a charged phone...  a random petty argument ensues, next thing I know someone is saying I'm sorry...

Luckily, these cards get thrown about as often as ladies shed those crocodile tears. Most boys, whether they want to admit it or not, abide by this common laws of dating:
Boys apologize to keep the peace and girls try not to look through their phones.

Happy, happier, love

Ah, Valentine's Day... all the typically cliches linger in the air. This time of year always makes me think about the "happily ever after", what it used to mean vs. what it means now. Back in the day, Cinderella was my favorite movie - my dad tells me I would cry and cry once the wedding bells rang and The End would appear on the screen. Back then, the only thing I was worried about was seeing the story again; anticipating the fantastical obstacles fate threw at the couple to keep them apart, but only in the end to see that true love prevailed! I didn't care what happened after "The End" because that was it; if they wanted you to think on it they would conclude the movies with "The Beginning". Every couple has their story and to the larger public once you hit happily ever after, it's just that, it's happy forever after that moment. With all the critiques and comments made about Disney Princess movies we should all consider that as our mantra for love: ... and you live happily ever after. But, see, Cinderella might have lost her shoe that day, but she knew where it was and she wasn't sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop - she was with Prince Charming, not  Prince "I'm temporarily" Charming "until you rationalize me as less than that". I'm thinking at that moment, when the wedding bells start to ring in the movie, Cinderella decided to live her life in that moment when she was happy.

A note to my dear readers, this post isn't to be taken as naive, it's one thing to fall in love and decide then and there this is love, it is quite another thing to fall in love with the idea of a person and have your expectations fall short.
So now, happily ever after makes me think of one moment. I can remember a physical moment in space and time when I fell in love. When something inside me was so happy and so present running for miles couldn't exert this energy. And with all his faults I can't help but still feel that happy - and when you are this happy, it doesn't have a time stamp, so it could very well be ever after... Happy Valentine's Day!!

Oh New York...

So the city. I almost have a full year and a half under my belt so I thought I would do a recap. Still employed? Check. Still living with three roommates? Check. Still have a hot boyfriend? CHECK! Still weigh the same or less as this time last year? Check. Still love New York??
Luckily, the city hasn't jaded me too much, no matter how hard it tries. Someone from Time Warner stole my friend's ipod while fixing her cable. Another friend was walking down Lenox and had her phone stolen right out of her hand. Someone was shot at the new target that opened on 116th in El Barrio. Oh and let's not forget New York's finest that you see on television are NOT the finest at responding. You could have a dozen people in your apartment acting like vermin taking over space, being nasty and don't pay rent and the cops won't come unless you say someone has a weapon. Is being trifling a weapon?
But, don't worry, I still love running, writing, having coffee and dreaming of my future apartment in Tribeca.
However, even running in the city is an adventure with the characters you see or the petty crime you become a witness to. Let's take my 5 mile run today. I was running down Riverside listening to my ipod when a woman with a pretty large butt (yes, her butt is relevant in this story) ran passed me at what seemed like sprint speed so I assumed she was doing an interval work out and her walking interval was coming soon... I was right, unfortunately for this woman she walked into a gang of tween boys that began chasing after her with a basketball, marveling at her large bottom... They didn't try to rob her or anything they were just being NY annoying boys. Odd, but it's New York so I try not to be surprised with things. Next in the turn of events, when I rounded the corner I saw the little hoodlums waiting there and began to run next to me and try to throw the ball at my feet so I would trip. Clearly compared to the woman before me, my butt wasn't the object of affection, but seeing if they could make me fall was! Moral of this story, New York kids have nothing better to do than hood rat stuff with their friends.
OK, so New York is not all troubled kids, poop, roaches, rats, thieves, inconsiderate people, but it's a part of its lovable personality! I do love the parties, personalities, and the unattainable expectations everyone has of themselves and those around them. It makes you stay on your toes and it makes you feel like every day is on the edge of something better.
Oh New York, how I love thee...

Ah hah! The missing piece of the relationship puzzle.

To my dear female readers a piece of wisdom.

Since I have recently taken a step in my personal  history, my current relationship is the longest I've had ... ever. This step can be shocking - it's one of those "great I'm doing something right!" and then it quickly becomes, "crap - better keep doing what I'm doing" (while silently making a list of everything you've done successfully). Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of things that I haven't learned about the male species or my bf (who can attest to this). But, I'm going to give you a piece of advice I learned because I would feel selfish without passing this gem down. Be confident in yourself and your relationship. Easier said then done yes, but here's something a little easier: Relax. He loves you, or he really likes you (whatever degree you are at this point) let things move forward instead of analyzing every step of the way.

So, I've put together a few examples of commonly misconstrued quotes, along with girlfriend interpretation and actual meaning. This way next time you hear this you won't completely freak out!

Quote #1: "I just need a little space, I'm going to have a boys weekend"
Girlfriend interpretation: "OMG. He's going to break up with me ... let me freak out as much as possible and make him miserable; so if he is in fact going to end it he'll do it sooner out of annoyance. And if he doesn't then I would've ruined his idea that he wanted space and he withstands another one of my crazy illogical tests."
Actual Meaning: "I see my girlfriend all the time and I just want some time to relax and not worry about faking enthusiasm over blueberry picking. I just want to hang out with my friends."
*The interesting thing about this common misinterpretation is that guys NEVER freak out if there's a girl weekend in the making. In fact, they are encouraged! (Although, we can all admit that this encouragement is short lived, since women tend to get around each other - complain and consequently take whatever "new found" insecurities out on their boyfriends at first sight; but the initial intention of supporting a girls' weekend is good). Moral of this story,  ladies, let him have his weekend - if you are meant to be you have nothing to worry about, he's not going to cheat on you, he's probably going to do exactly what he says "just going to hang out with his friends".

Quote # 2: "What do you mean 'do I miss you' I saw you last night?"
Girlfriend interpretation: "WTF. How could he not miss me, we had such a good night last night and it's all I'm thinking about and I can't believe he doesn't even care enough to miss me already! I have all these emotions that I can't wait to share with him and all he can do is trivialize my feelings by putting a time stamp on them! That's the last time I share how I feel about him, from now on it's Closed up Christine for him!"
Actual Meaning: "I don't feel the need to tell you how much I miss you or think about you every minute we are apart. At this point by default I miss you because I like being with you, but not so much that's it's bubbling out of me to tell you. I can wait until tomorrow to see you - I won't die."
*In defense of most women who default to the girlfriend interpretation this can appear a little vague - but think about this if it was in the other extreme ... picture a boyfriend that couldn't bear to leave you and the moment he steps in his car and he's out of hearing distance (since he screams I LOVE YOU out of his car window down the street)  he's calling or texting you how much he misses you. That's no way to live, or love for this matter. Bottom line: Relax he misses you - and keep it interesting so it will give him something to miss you for.

Quote # 3: "Do you think we could just have a night in tonight?"
Girlfriend interpretation: "WHOA. Who does he not want to see out - he's hiding something, since he knows I've been planning this meet up with all my girlfriends and I want him to come. How could he spring this on me?! Great he's cheating...fml."
Actual Meaning: "I want to spend time with you. Just you."
*This is my favorite reaction because it's not just with nights out, it's the reaction that comes from girls with any activity that boyfriends do not seem overly enthusiastic about (like blueberry picking - who wouldn't want to do that??). Ladies, I know you love your girlfriends, but if your man wants to just hang out with you that's not something to complain about. In fact it's probably a good thing because it shows that he doesn't need to go out constantly aka consistently scope out the room for the next gf. Or he's probably trying to avoid that foreseen awkward situation where he's the only man in a group of 10 women - can you blame him?

Key Takeaways - trust. If you trust yourself and you trust your boyfriend you should be able to read between the lines a little better and not default to your crazy "OMG, he hates me" thoughts. Enjoy your relationship and the people you are becoming together, who knows if you stop being crazy you might have time to love a little more and let him love you better.

Who runs this?

So I recently had a conversation with someone, (this party shall remain nameless), and this person claims, "a relationship is like the NBA franchise, men are the owners and women are GMs -- responsible for the day to day operations." Now, one might imagine if this came from my boyfriend that I would freak out, announce that I refused to be considered a back seat driver in our relationship and hang up. But I didn't. I had an epiphany, a light bulb moment, an 'ah ha!' moment. I felt everything go quiet around me, the lights seemed to be brighter and all was crystal clear -- ladies, WE run this!

Think about it ladies, while your man is going on and on about "wearing the big drawers" you GAVE him that sense of empowerment. Well some of us do... and in my expert opinion of being a woman, there are three types of women.

Woman number 1: the passive agressive, push over who definitely makes her man feel like a man because she has completely and utterly consumed herself with him. Not only does he feel like a man but he is numero uno in the relationship - no shared responsibility here. She's not weak (I hate this word), she's insecure, easily influenced and cares more about pleasing her man than herself or other important relationships. These women have sacrificed friendship, family members, and themselves for the false sense of security. Consequently, the men that attract these women are crazy in their own special way. They will stay with these women because they KNOW there are not very many other women around that will stand for being pushed around.

Woman number 2: the arrogant, 'I'm more woman than he will ever be man' type. These women are strong, likely successful, high expectations -- (reader, please note I did not use the word standards). These women are their own worse enemy. Because they deem themselves successful, they become their own standard; thus making ANYONE appear lackluster compared to them. Now, in regards to their expectations, they expect the world but refuse to give them the world in return. And here is the really confusing part, they expect to be taken care of (catered to etc.) but don't want to be. They want all the credit and the glory with none of the other person involved. So how are these women suppose to ever meet someone?

Woman number 3: THE woman. She's smart, sometimes tricky and only deceiving when necessary. She makes her man feel empowered, but holds all the keys (this is the woman in my undisclosed conversation). The real difference is she's the happy medium between these other women. She knows when to be a push over BUT knows how to stand her ground. She has her own faults, but admist all her craziness she can still be loved. Most importantly, she believes in pink... Pink, is the ever present little girl inside these women that wants her to be satisfied. Pink is happy, plain and simple. Pink is the romantic, magical illusion of love and life. I'll be honest, Pink is not realistic, but it's a belief and it keeps these women going and loving and enjoying life. Women who believe in Pink, are comfortable enough with themselves to be in a successful relationship.

I believe in Pink.

So now readers, what do you think? These women are pretty distinct, many women fall into number 3, but there are a few souls that are definitively categories 1 or 2. And to the men out there -- we might let you be the owner, but, know this - you don't have a franchise without us. Furthermore, if you get another GM she might run your team right into the ground. Happy Courting :)

A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butta…

Lists. I believe they are at the core of every good plan. You can control lists, by adding things to it and checking off completions. It’s all so liberating!

Despite my love of lists and organization, connecting the dots is not my forte. This is probably why I believed that an African man who called from a Maryland area code, but lived in Connecticut needed a $500 bed in Charlottesville, Virginia. Oh and let’s not forget, that this same African man called himself Caesar and asked me to send cash via a wire transfer – all from the Monopoly® money he sent in the mail.

Ok. Ok. Not the best idea, but you get the point. I like to think of this stupid decision in my life as the reason why I think things out and make lists!

Needless to say, I do well with list, not decision making in stressful situations. I had a checklist once when I was in high school, and it was a list of everything I wanted to do before I turned 25. I did a lot of them already 2 years to spare: I ran a marathon. I published an article. I learned a foreign language – and forgot it before I turned 25. I have a career. I learned I could have a relationship with God. I graduated college.I lost friends – and found a couple soul mates. This darn list went on and on…

And that’s when I decided get rid of the list (spontaneous, I know). I realized (and this wasn’t on the list) that I can’t plan every moment of my life, and I certainly can’t check off accomplishments and life’s lessons from a list I made when I was 16. I simply have to keep on truckin’. Life is the last thing that is planned, but this is why you have friends, and family, and a honnnneyyys to tell you they are proud when your plans succeed and you check things off the list.

AND that same list of love ones will tell you not to give money to Caesar because no matter what wiring money is not a good idea. (note to reader, this is never a good idea)

Seriously, these people are the ones to help you connect the dots, and if you’re a list person like me, you need people like that in your life.

To me lists help you remember, and love ones don’t let you forget.