Dare You to Tell the Truth

Friday, I spent a night with the ladies. An uninterrupted night (well besides the usual Harlem soundtrack) with wine, catch up seshs and trading of advice/stories.
Without going into detail, there were two ladies in somewhat transitional points in relationships: meaning it was starting to go down that "not working" path. My personal philosophy is that when you can start to identify those points that are borderline breakup material, you should probably end it before you become even more disappointed. So as I was top lining these convos of the night for the seemingly uninterested bf, he exclaims: "don't you know you aren't suppose to give your friends real advice? Just let them do as they want and agree to whatever it is."
Another odd, surprisingly might be true exclamation from the honeys. So does that mean, no matter how much my girlfriend wants my opinion she really just wants me to tell her "go ahead girl, stay with him?" At what point do we become intrusive as a third party and disable that sounding board effect you have as a friend?
We all know girl code exists, but I don't remember reading a vow of silence being ingrained in the commandments. We're also getting to a point where we have or had substantial relationship learnings that are crucial to pass along - and that leads to the sometimes uninvited comments. I admit I have been on the other end of the receiving unprovoked comments and I didn't want to hear that mess. So I know I'm not the only one that does it, what do we do it? I've decided there are two things that create this convoluted situation of what can be called Girlfriend Feedback.
1. Women, as most of us know, are infamous for ruminating. A natural, innate process that allows us to analyze, critique and belabor incidences, ever after. Girl talk is the pinnacle of the information dump that's going through your head all those days in advance of girl night. So when you are there telling your girlfriends your heart and soul, you don't really want to develop a solution or, as we say in PR, decide on next steps.
The second point is, it's hard to do when you care about your friends and you don't want them to fall into your old footsteps - you talk until you're sure you've convinced them. However, in the end it's her life and her decision. Something that works for you might not work for her: ergo stay out of it and let her make her own choices.
So girl night part two will include less commentary and more listening - guess that's why you have two ears and only one mouth right? Stick to those proportions.

One is silver and the other gold?

Does anyone else remember that girl scout song:

Make new friends, but keep the old,
One is silver and the other's gold,
A circle's round and has no end that's how long I want to be your friend.

Anyone? Well, when I was in Troop 1046 with my Dad as the troop leader, we sang this song over and over. With a simple solution for friendship, what happened to this mantra?
Fast forward from elementary school to high school, when every third person made fun of me for one reason or another and there's my Dad telling me "Dani, you'll only really have two good friends, everyone else can fall by the wayside" (My Dad's two friends are: Dr. Lee, my dentist and hmmm not sure I ever knew the second one). With a segmented high school with the popular and the cool groups, thinking you'll live your life with only two friends and not 10 was devastating.
Circa 2011 and almost two decades after learning this sing-song and the true two rule, friendship is replaced with networking and filtering your true thoughts for the sake of professionalism. I mean really, for same sex relationships what do you say: "ok nice meeting you, are you my friend now?" Don't even think about boy/girl friendships, one of you probably has different intentions and if you don't then someone will probably foster them. 
It's like learning to make friends all over again, this time without the luxury of competitive cookie selling.

Throw back - Senior Year Cedar Point

Don't get me wrong some things Stay True, I still have my two, and they are still gold.

She is my friend!

I had a very interesting conversation with the bf this week. I've had more than one of my lady-friends claim they are down in the dumps because they are sans boyfriend and living in the city. Take note, Sex and the City might look fun and exciting, but when you are living one bad date after another - it takes its toll. You begin to question whether you are the Carrie of your friends ... or the Miranda.
But never fear - Miranda gets married (and then her husband cheats on her, but that's WAY later). Anyway this conversation with my honeys of what to do about my friends feeling a little less than depressed came to a shocking question.

When it comes to friendships, do boys care more about their friends than girls do?
We landed here because when it comes to happiness it wasn't the amount of friends or social life that was evaluated it was all about the relationship status. My bf pointed out that it doesn't matter to a boy so much that it effects how you feel about a whole city and its experience. At the end of the day, it truly is bros over ... well you know.
For girls, it seems no matter how many friends we have or how many pictures we take having a blast, if there is no man in the picture (literally and figuratively) then the memory of the good time becomes lost. Even those in less than desirable situations, like a boyfriend overseas or cross-country, any relationship is better than none... right?
On the other hand, boys look for situations to celebrate without their girlfriends. Trips to Vegas, "boys night out", you get it.  Let's face it when was the last time a male created his milestones around a woman/marriage...

This idea of friendship and the ever celebrated "sisterhood" that is suppose to be one of the strongest bonds in nature could quite possibly be contingent on a male relationship. Not to bring up fiction or movies, but even in these depictions, female relationships are stronger when a male partner is found or established. Then the sisterhood bond is complete - and although fiction, these are the standards and social norms that we've adopted.

What's even more interesting is the aftermath of a breakup. Women - look to their friends for support and continual male bashing of the former relationship. However, the girl's friends can't help but point out that her relationship was unhealthy due to the lack of attention she gave them in the duration and that she was totally consumed in their relationship (can we say jealous). Unless, the relationship was really unhealthy I haven't heard of guy friends complaining of this "lack of attention" to the brotherhood!

So at the end of the day, the sisterhood is really a question of friend or foe and coincidental timing on a girl's relationship status. No wonder there is no status update for friendships or connections of Facebook, because I imagine a lot of women would have an "it's complicated" status.