You're So Cray

I've confessed to this readership before I'm a little anxious - a list making, worry wart, that analyzes a situation to death with the best of them. And I know I'm not alone, in fact I can name eight kinds of crazy that I've been exposed to on a daily basis. Here's what I don't understand - I succumb to the craziness of my friends because we're similar; the whole pot calling the kettle black thing, but what I don't understand is why guys put up with crazy girls!
I mean red flags galore! Guys just don't know when enough is enough...
When a girl shows up at your door to show her new tattoo of your name in Chinese letters... she's cray.
When a girl yells at you in front of her friends and then breaks down crying asking why you're so mean...that girl is cray.
When a girl gets mad when you want to get off the phone to watch a game, or show ... and then proceeds to call your phone nineteen times because she sees you tweeting so you must not be fully engrossed with the show...she's cray.
When a girl wants to know your income before she knows your last name ... must I say it? She's cray.
When a girl calls you drunk to tell you she's drunk and around guys for no reason at all but to make you mad...that's just cray!

I could go on and on -- there are numerous and infinite examples of the craziness of girls can bestow on boys and the list continues to grow - because guys put up with it.
Here's my idea, guys put up with the crazy because they like the idea of the taming of the shrew and playing the hero. First - the shrew. The taming or "domesticating" the crazy means you've conquered it. The man has successfully passed the bar and into normalcy a place only found on the border of sane and rational relationships.  Secondly, the hero; this one is obvious, men secretly (or not so secretly) believe women need to be saved, protected and cared for. The crazy that exudes is a sign of the level of how hurt she is from a relationship prior. So, by staying the course and discovering the interworking of what makes her crazy, he'll know the secret on how she can be saved.
Crazy right? Stupid? Or the making of love?
Who knows, but after looking at this do you feel so bad about being cray?
Nope.

He ages like ... cheese

The myth goes: men get better with age, but only some women age gracefully. Men in their twenties don't need to settle down because they will get more handsome and marketable, which can wait to be exposed to the dating pool until their late thirties/early forties. So, they wait and then they make shameless plugs to being "ready" when they are older. Case and point:
This week I was in LA for work and out to drink with colleagues, a group of older men come over to talk about absolutely nothing: so and so is an executive chef and someone else owning real estate. Honestly, after a long day, I just was not in the mood for entertaining the elderly. Then the classic lines from the fogies "what do you do?" "Oh, isn't that interesting..." "So do you have a boyfriend?" For some reason my answer, "yes we've been together for four years", doesn't deter men in their forties as easily as it does their younger peers. The man literally replies with "oh that's nice, you know, I'm ready for marriage now..." I wanted to say, "congratulations for making that revelation so timely in your life," but instead I made a really awkward motion to one of my co-workers mentioning the man's occupation and made the ever-popular escape.
Unfortunately, my thoughts about this man being pathetic seemed to anger karma and a waiter spilled red wine down my shirt and onto a practically new pair of beige shoes (luckily sparing my favorite cargo pants). Maybe karma is favoring the older men that capitalize on waiting? But honestly, did this man really think sans boyfriend someone twenty plus years his junior would be interested in a marriage-friendly male of his age?
And then I thought about the book and now movie "Think Like A Man" that argues men are ready to be married when they feel their life is where it's suppose to be: financially stable, career-elevated, and structurally sound in all other capacities.
Do women simply feel these stable platforms earlier on and men get the realization later? I think men choose to age like cheese, they teeter on curdled and come out as an acquired taste. But don't worry there are plenty of women closer in age that are single, fabulous, and spared of the cougar status. And these are the same women that age like a fine wine, women that know their worth, but no one has uncorked them yet. I'm no match-maker, but since wine and cheese pair well together, maybe if men stop believing in age ain't nothing but a number they could wind up with a nice bottle :)

Fine Print

I normally stay away from food/restaurant/dining reviews primarily because I'm not a certified food/restaurant/dining critic, and sometimes you might just have to chalk up a bad experience to the restaurant having a bad day. However, this I needed to write about because I think it's a customer experience that people should be cautioned of.
This weekend I decided to try my first Groupon and go to a wine tasting with the bf. The wine was delicious and I even learned a few things that will make me pause before ordering my staple Pinot. We arrive to Giorgio's in good fashion (not my typical 15 minutes late) and the honeys and I sat down for what he likes to call "one of my adventures." To our right was a nice couple from Edison, NJ (who apparently had reservations for dinner at Top of the Rock following the tasting). To our left were a brother/sister looking pair, the brother (we'll call him) obnoxiously called out random facts about his personal wine journey and how he loves reds. Needless to say, he continuously got the side eye all night from most of the participants in the class.
10 wines, two types of cheese, salami, mini pizzas (called artisan - but resembled a cracker with red sauce) - the night was going well. Even our instructor,  a Bulgarian woman named, Maggie could be named mildly entertaining and outright funny 10 wines deep. Then we started to pack up to leave.
So here is where I need to derail slightly so that you have the full picture: Groupon offers an ironically named and yet informative section on each deal called "the fine print", in which they intend to claim all terms and conditions that could be defined as "the catch". Nothing in this fine print section mentioned "you might get bamboozled at this deal site...."
Back to the story - the honeys and I were leaving and Maggie approaches us with the bottle of wine promised in the deal in addition to a $9.00 tax and whatever gratuity we would like to add. Now, all this is understandable as Groupon specifies "tax not included" however, I have two points, 1. someone could have mentioned/reminded us of this before/during/after we sat down for the class and 2. four people left while we scrambled through our bags. When we reveal a $20.00 bill and ask for the change she becomes very insistent that gratuity isn't included and that she only has $10 bills, mind you, on a Saturday night. Now, since I've worked in a restaurant before I cannot explain to you the rarity that early on a Saturday night you run out of change for twenties. Not only does it risk the chance that people just won't tip you - it's just not very smart business. So while we're debating on the reality that she really didn't have change for the $10 she handed over, two more patrons that did the wine class walk out. Here's my gripe: in the 4 minutes that you bamboozled us $20.00, six people walked out without paying the tax OR gratuity and with a free-ninety-nine bottle of wine.
I'm not cheap, but I'm wondering - was that legit? Or were we just the lucky couple selected for the price increase?
And Dear Groupon, is this something you support... the duping of customers?

Dare You to Tell the Truth

Friday, I spent a night with the ladies. An uninterrupted night (well besides the usual Harlem soundtrack) with wine, catch up seshs and trading of advice/stories.
Without going into detail, there were two ladies in somewhat transitional points in relationships: meaning it was starting to go down that "not working" path. My personal philosophy is that when you can start to identify those points that are borderline breakup material, you should probably end it before you become even more disappointed. So as I was top lining these convos of the night for the seemingly uninterested bf, he exclaims: "don't you know you aren't suppose to give your friends real advice? Just let them do as they want and agree to whatever it is."
Another odd, surprisingly might be true exclamation from the honeys. So does that mean, no matter how much my girlfriend wants my opinion she really just wants me to tell her "go ahead girl, stay with him?" At what point do we become intrusive as a third party and disable that sounding board effect you have as a friend?
We all know girl code exists, but I don't remember reading a vow of silence being ingrained in the commandments. We're also getting to a point where we have or had substantial relationship learnings that are crucial to pass along - and that leads to the sometimes uninvited comments. I admit I have been on the other end of the receiving unprovoked comments and I didn't want to hear that mess. So I know I'm not the only one that does it, what do we do it? I've decided there are two things that create this convoluted situation of what can be called Girlfriend Feedback.
1. Women, as most of us know, are infamous for ruminating. A natural, innate process that allows us to analyze, critique and belabor incidences, ever after. Girl talk is the pinnacle of the information dump that's going through your head all those days in advance of girl night. So when you are there telling your girlfriends your heart and soul, you don't really want to develop a solution or, as we say in PR, decide on next steps.
The second point is, it's hard to do when you care about your friends and you don't want them to fall into your old footsteps - you talk until you're sure you've convinced them. However, in the end it's her life and her decision. Something that works for you might not work for her: ergo stay out of it and let her make her own choices.
So girl night part two will include less commentary and more listening - guess that's why you have two ears and only one mouth right? Stick to those proportions.

A Girl Weekend

A girl moment - defined as being the point in time when a girl (or woman) digest information in a way that sometimes leads to an impractical line of reasoning.

So, you can imagine the amount of girl moments and unlicensed psychotherapy that endured over my mini girls get away to Connecticut. First there was a comparison of boys - who's the best, who sucks right now and who needs to get the boot (yes, honeys you were in the running for the best). Then there were the wine confessions. Basically we participated in all the things you imagine girls do when they get together minus braiding hair (we left that one alone).  It was all very interesting each of us in our own stages of budding relationships.

For me, my girl moment was when I definitively began to see what an adult relationship looks, acts, and feels like. When you go on a girl's weekend there is no need to call someone every five minutes or worry what the other person is doing that very moment. I remember in high school I dated someone and you would think we were literally connected at the hip. You know how  journalist fuse first names together to demonstrate the intertwining lives of the celebrities, like Brangelina...? We'll let's just say my first, middle and last name changed because I couldn't move without this person knowing exactly which direction I was going. Don't get me wrong we loved it, relished in it - but anyone who's had more than one relationship, knows your first relationship is your most intense and potentially the most unhealthy. You could find both of us relinquishing fun times in hopes of preserving a few more months, that's when we started to feel like we were wasting time.

An adult relationship seems different, a little more grown up. You're secure with your relationship enough to not feel guilty for having fun without them. I'm not saying my relationship is super mature and we are 100% there, but I don't feel like my time is being monopolized or wasted. I cherish our time together without thinking of moments as a memories, but as a parts of the continuum.

So there you have it, my girlz weekend shone some light on my boy situation.

But isn't that what girl weekends are for? Finding at least 3 other people in the world who read, analyze, dissect and reconsider things exactly the way you do?