How to Practice Safe Walking

It's a common belief that someone can be street smart, but not book smart or vice versa, but never both at the same time. I'm trying to disprove this common perception. First method is to impart my knowledge of safe walking, something I've learned. Unlike book smarts, street smarts never seem to be imparted on others, it's like a secret - something you can only learn through experience. Well I don't want you to have to learn the hard way about street smarts in the city, so here is my wisdom.
You have to remember I grew up in Ohio- Shaker, Ohio for that matter. Next to nothing happened without you bringing it on yourself; it's one of those towns that has rare sensational news (excluding the weather). So, growing up in Ohio the idea of "know your surroundings" could mean - be aware of deer crossing (if you see one, there are more, deer travel in packs). Or if you are taking the trash out late at night there could be skunks, coyotes, foxes?! In New York, being aware of your surroundings means something totally different: know which car the sketched out crack head is entering to avoid inevitable harassment on your commute, avoid the crack head lingering on the corner begging for change he might bump you and either transfer bed bugs or pick-pocket you, avoid the half way house because if that's not self explanatory there are probably crack heads there. Maybe the biggest challenge of being aware is knowing where the crack heads live and then out smarting them with avoidance or my new technique....

WAIT FOR IT

If you are walking alone and feeling a little unnerved begin talking to yourself that will send a message of "this one is crazy." This employs the strategy, if you can't beat 'em join 'em. The other day I began erratically talking to myself about a made-up friend Samson and laughing hysterically at my own jokes. Now, the crazy vibe you have to send has to be enough to permeate someone who's high, but not enough to look fake or vulnerable. You don't want "oh that one is special this will be easy" you want "holy smokes, I don't want to even know..." This will not work if you have head phones in, your conversation cannot sound systematic, it has to sound completely irrational, yet plausible. Make sense?
Wish I could patent* this technique, but instead I'll pass along as one of my helpful tips to surviving the city. I think this can work for anyone implemented correctly, coupled with these simple street smarts:

1. Don't walk down dark alleys
2. Carry mace
3. Don't look drunk if you are in fact walking home intoxicated (aka walk straight)
4. Run towards the police station - in NYC there's likely one within running distance
5. Most crack heads are off balance, last case scenario go for the shins
6. Don't forget your life is more important than valuables
7. Cross the street if you feel like you should - go with your gut
8. Don't walk in your house or apt if you think someone is following you
9. Make good choices

*Also cannot patent, because it was a helpful tip as down.

I live in the robbin' hood.

They say majority of crimes happen by those who know you - so when my apartment was robbed, it shouldn't come as a shock that we knew who stole more than cookies from the cookie jar.
Life will go on right? Good thing we don't believe in cutting off someone's hand anymore when they steal...

So, last year I was writing to you about an ex-roommate stealing my razor blades - and this year the theft in my apartment has escalated to a misdemeanor. It's crazy, when I was younger the biggest crime I witnessed was someone eating grapes in the super market. Now, there are literally people I know (**cough cough ex roommate who stole my razor blade cough**) who married someone to get their visa - can we say ILLEGAL?
So the moral of this story is:

1. Lock your doors
2. Trust them as far as you can throw them
3. Don't do anything illegal, it will come full circle

Shades of Gray

My typical morning starts with a hot shower, making coffee and running to the train. I love my train ride because I tune out, get thirty more minutes to wake up and listen to some of my embarrassing playlists like: NSYNC 4EVER, which is basically my rendition of Justin Timberlake's greatest hits. Anyhoo, this morning ride was anything but typical. When I got on the train this man was KNOCKED out - I mean coma-like sleeping. He was wearing a gray hoodie and he had drooled down the front of his sweat shirt. Now, everyone knows gray is not the color to wear if you plan to sweat or endure any other excessive amounts of bodily fluids. The man was sporting a drool bib that was 80% black. Not only was he drooling (oh and taking up two seats - mass transit pet peeve), he was snoring so loudly my JT jam session was interrupted.

I'm also one of those people that has what they call "an eye problem" I get caught staring all the time. When I see something intriguing - includes, people, places and things, it's like I have to keep looking or I might miss something. My roommate says I'm a target for muggers and my bf always yells at me for staring at the odd balls on the train. So anyway, I was literally looking at this man the whole train ride and I was starting to feel nauseated. I also started to get this sensation that I had something on my face. You know when you see someone with food on their face, you can almost feel the matter particle on yours?? Hope I'm not alone on this boat.

I mean this man was going to walk around for at least another 5 hours with this homemade bib. Who knows, maybe he needed the rest... I sure wasn't going to wake him up!
Moral of the story? Don't sleep on the train - one: you might get robbed and two: something else a shade of gray could get the best of you -

And sometimes you just know...

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Has anyone ever revealed to you that some friends can be toxic?? Yes. The toxic friend. You know that friend that really doesn't give a crap about you, but they are a lot of fun?! The ebb and flow of the relationship is just as destructive as an over flowing toilet. No one likes to clean up the mess and pending the situation you might be knee deep in poo. Those toxic people are all around, my roommate is still friends with that psycho-kleptomaniac that used to live with us and I have witness a toxic or two incognito as man stealers. Back in high school during my I'm trying to be cool years, I had one of these toxics in my life. At the time I was the only one that could drive and she convinced me it would be cool to go joy riding in the middle of school. Well since this was my first time in the cool crowd and I didn't want to disappoint - I cut class and there we went piled into my VW bug and headed to the McDonald's on the other side of the tracks. Thinking and praying that I didn't run into my dad (and practically having my stomach drop every time we passed a black Lexus) all seemed to be going well... And then a little red light came on in my car - engine, dying. Immediately, I started to cry pulled over and saw bright red liquid pouring out the bottom of the car. I called my mechanic who told me that was a really bad sign and I should stop driving immediately or the engine would blow. Why me, right? Of course, we were no where near school, how was I going to explain to my dad what happened? So I lied. And if anyone knows me, I'm a terrible liar. I blackout, forget my story and get in even more trouble. Anyhoo, my so called "friend" this whole time is giving me horrible advice telling me to ditch the car and hope someone steals it. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Needless to say joy ride over, we stopped being friends and I was grounded for a week.
Again, one of these lessons learned -why didn't any one tell me that they aren't your friends if they tell you to skip school and go joy riding in the hood?

After Prom 2005 with Shan

Out of the phase, no longer susceptible to peer pressure and balanced by my ever So True friends, I embraced my nerdy self... ahhh much better (minus the acrylic nails).

Oh New York...

So the city. I almost have a full year and a half under my belt so I thought I would do a recap. Still employed? Check. Still living with three roommates? Check. Still have a hot boyfriend? CHECK! Still weigh the same or less as this time last year? Check. Still love New York??
Luckily, the city hasn't jaded me too much, no matter how hard it tries. Someone from Time Warner stole my friend's ipod while fixing her cable. Another friend was walking down Lenox and had her phone stolen right out of her hand. Someone was shot at the new target that opened on 116th in El Barrio. Oh and let's not forget New York's finest that you see on television are NOT the finest at responding. You could have a dozen people in your apartment acting like vermin taking over space, being nasty and don't pay rent and the cops won't come unless you say someone has a weapon. Is being trifling a weapon?
But, don't worry, I still love running, writing, having coffee and dreaming of my future apartment in Tribeca.
However, even running in the city is an adventure with the characters you see or the petty crime you become a witness to. Let's take my 5 mile run today. I was running down Riverside listening to my ipod when a woman with a pretty large butt (yes, her butt is relevant in this story) ran passed me at what seemed like sprint speed so I assumed she was doing an interval work out and her walking interval was coming soon... I was right, unfortunately for this woman she walked into a gang of tween boys that began chasing after her with a basketball, marveling at her large bottom... They didn't try to rob her or anything they were just being NY annoying boys. Odd, but it's New York so I try not to be surprised with things. Next in the turn of events, when I rounded the corner I saw the little hoodlums waiting there and began to run next to me and try to throw the ball at my feet so I would trip. Clearly compared to the woman before me, my butt wasn't the object of affection, but seeing if they could make me fall was! Moral of this story, New York kids have nothing better to do than hood rat stuff with their friends.
OK, so New York is not all troubled kids, poop, roaches, rats, thieves, inconsiderate people, but it's a part of its lovable personality! I do love the parties, personalities, and the unattainable expectations everyone has of themselves and those around them. It makes you stay on your toes and it makes you feel like every day is on the edge of something better.
Oh New York, how I love thee...

Thou Shall Not Steal…

I often think if I lived during the olden days, I would be a proponent of the law: if you steal you lose a hand. I admit living in New York City, I feel very blessed that I haven’t been mugged. Moreover, I keep thinking of the idea that maybe people steal little things because they really cannot afford to pay for it themselves. Now I’ll admit I’m not completely innocent. Sure I’ve eaten grapes or cookies in the grocery store, or stealing a pair of my boyfriend’s socks (this is more of an “unknown taking” I like to think). I remember pretending I was asleep on the New Jersey Transit to get out of showing my ticket. One could say – I stole a free ride to Jersey. (I would argue that the NJT didn’t need that one $5.50 since their employees make upwards of 6 figures WITH benefits). Needless to say I felt bad and plan to confess the next time I’m in for reconciliation.

ANYHOO – stealing. Not ok. I’ll get to the point. I recently purchased razor blades for my Intuition razor (which if you buy these you know they are a pretty penny) and they come in packs of 4 refills. I immediately installed 1 into my razor and when I was in the shower the next day I noticed I only had 2 left. NOW, here’s the clincher – there is only one other person that I live with that shaves with these razors. So I’ve decided it’s either 1 of 2 scenarios. Firstly, I have a magical little fairy that steals razors so she can shave her hairy little legs OR my roommate has stolen my razor. Does she deserve to have her hand cut off? Yes… but not for that reason (fyi: she has increasingly made my life difficult with her antics). I do think she should have to pay me for the $2.87 (unit price of the razor blade) for its replacement.

While we’re playing this game of ‘who stole the cookie from the cookie jar’ (the ghettofied, Intuition Razor blade edition) I would like to eliminate the other suspects… Kitty: 13- year young, grey and white tabby, who both sleeps all day and lacks thumbs to do the deed. Roommate Number 2: who uses a Venus razor blade – and also has not been known to steal. Roommate Number 3: Venus razor blade user as well and understands my boundaries with borrowing and sharing personal items. All suspects have been questioned and none have recently posted an Intuition razor blade on ebay.com. Now that I’ve proven this first roommate is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, what do I do?

And here is where my question comes in. Do I approach her with this accusation and ask for my $2.87 or razor blade replacement? Should I let this go – and say, “maybe she just needs it”? Or do I nullify that thought with “if you can’t afford it why would you buy arguable the most expensive razors on the market”? Where do you draw the line? If I let her get away with this who is to say she won’t steal something else, and isn’t theft the gateway crime into murder… ok that part was dramatic, but really she is a little crazy.

I’m open to opinions and I’d love to read your comments. And I’ll mention this last comment on the topic. Sometimes it’s not the situation itself that makes it bad, but the person who faulted you. Those people that you just don’t like out of principle and if they do something to you – it’s 10 times worse than if your best friend did the same thing. At which point, I have to ask myself and my reader to assess if the situation itself is worthy of any further discussion OR if I should just count my blessings that if this is the worse robbery I’ve been involved with to date (besides Caesar Diaz) –then I should be thankful. What do you think? PS. Thou shall not steal… it’s a commandment ya know.