The Crystal Ball

What happens when people become painfully predictable? Like the finance idiot your best friend decides to give a chance to and turns out to be comparable to the gum you scraped off the bottom of your shoe. Or when you vow to wake up early to workout and end up sleeping in and still making it to the gym at 1:00PM because there was a Hallmark movie you just had to see? Oh, wait that last one isn't people, that's me.

Is being predictable bad or good? It doesn't seem to matter because you're going to do what you want anyway regardless of the red flags you see flying in your face. For example, if you know me longer than a week, you can predict that on Wednesday I will be grumpy before finishing two cups of coffee, every other day I'm approachable after  I finish one cup. But I guarantee you, even with this valuable insight someone will approach me Wednesday morning at 9:00 with some outlandish question. It's probably not that bad, but with a lack of caffeine ... not pretty.

Situations are predictable as well: like my good friend who is an account executive and the Time Warner scam. My friend lets Time Warner into her room to fix the cable and leaves him to make dinner in the next room. What do you think happened? Why would this be in my predictable post? You guessed it later that evening she realizes she is sans her ipod touch and officially a victim of petty theft in New York. Pretty predictable.

But I like people and situations that are predictable. I love nothing more than a controlled environment, I'm also someone who HATES change and short notice. I dated a guy once who was very "let it be, what will be will be, let's just go with the flow" ... needless to say we didn't work out because my need to outline and file things in my little world couldn't fit his fleeting and indecisiveness in the relationship folder.

Or my most recent version of the predictable predicament, my boyfriend announces that he might have a location change in his job. OH NO ... there goes my perfectly filed folder, so I made him have a discussion on vague pretenses and a lot of ifs, what ifs, and what happens when. All to satisfy my need to make sure I don't get caught off guard. It's a small way to convince my nervous nellie brain that at least I have a plan A, B and C.

Before you go condoning me as a control freak, hear me out. I love surprises like chocolate, flowers, nice gestures, happy coincidences. However, I also know a little too much heart ache and survival tactics for my age. I can't plan everything, but for right now, I'm in a bounce back and luckily, the imbalance in my life is taking a break so I can get my footing just right. Speaking of footing, I'm starting to train and build a base for the marathon in the Spring. It's funny, when you no longer have college schedules to predict your next move, you rely on other milestones ... like marathon number three (AKA NJ MARATHON YOU ARE GOING DOWN PT. 2).

Write to you soon! Happy Holidays!

Oh New York...

So the city. I almost have a full year and a half under my belt so I thought I would do a recap. Still employed? Check. Still living with three roommates? Check. Still have a hot boyfriend? CHECK! Still weigh the same or less as this time last year? Check. Still love New York??
Luckily, the city hasn't jaded me too much, no matter how hard it tries. Someone from Time Warner stole my friend's ipod while fixing her cable. Another friend was walking down Lenox and had her phone stolen right out of her hand. Someone was shot at the new target that opened on 116th in El Barrio. Oh and let's not forget New York's finest that you see on television are NOT the finest at responding. You could have a dozen people in your apartment acting like vermin taking over space, being nasty and don't pay rent and the cops won't come unless you say someone has a weapon. Is being trifling a weapon?
But, don't worry, I still love running, writing, having coffee and dreaming of my future apartment in Tribeca.
However, even running in the city is an adventure with the characters you see or the petty crime you become a witness to. Let's take my 5 mile run today. I was running down Riverside listening to my ipod when a woman with a pretty large butt (yes, her butt is relevant in this story) ran passed me at what seemed like sprint speed so I assumed she was doing an interval work out and her walking interval was coming soon... I was right, unfortunately for this woman she walked into a gang of tween boys that began chasing after her with a basketball, marveling at her large bottom... They didn't try to rob her or anything they were just being NY annoying boys. Odd, but it's New York so I try not to be surprised with things. Next in the turn of events, when I rounded the corner I saw the little hoodlums waiting there and began to run next to me and try to throw the ball at my feet so I would trip. Clearly compared to the woman before me, my butt wasn't the object of affection, but seeing if they could make me fall was! Moral of this story, New York kids have nothing better to do than hood rat stuff with their friends.
OK, so New York is not all troubled kids, poop, roaches, rats, thieves, inconsiderate people, but it's a part of its lovable personality! I do love the parties, personalities, and the unattainable expectations everyone has of themselves and those around them. It makes you stay on your toes and it makes you feel like every day is on the edge of something better.
Oh New York, how I love thee...

Thick skin, hard heart, but a straw can break ya.

Does anyone believe in karma? Or do some people just have bad luck? It’s a topic disputed by most – and resolved by no one. Adults, children, friends are all people I’ve heard ask the same question “hey – didn’t God create sin?” No people. Our ancestors did when they ate the apple – free will blocks you from truly doing what’s good, because it gives you the choice not to, and most people choose the latter.

So is it the bad people that do these things to good people? Think about it… if something really terrible happens to you, who is to blame? Are you to blame for not preventing it? Or maybe it was a lapse in judgment, or trusting someone a little too much?

Someone close to me has been completely slighted by almost every one she trusted and she is certainly unworthy of it. When she tells me her latest story she typically ends them with: "don't piss on me and tell me it's raining!" Every day she deals with the emotional rebuild and conflicts of interests as she puts her life back together. Can you imagine day after day, putting your best foot forward, but secretly feeling like a stack of blocks built too high and just waiting for a slight tremor in the ground to break you apart? She knows the feeling of the phrase: “the straw that broke the camel’s back” because she has a stack of hay sitting tall and piece after piece gets added with more surprises and more distractions. But what can you do? You can’t take on her weight of the world or weight of the straw (just to keep the analogy going) and you certainly don’t care to be in her shoes. So all you can do is hope things will get better and pray… and that’s all she does too.

I think about her on my long runs and what if any thing I can do. But then I also look at the countless people I pass and wonder, “What’s her story?” Like on the train, when you see people crying do you ever wonder, “What the heck happen that was so terrible you couldn’t wait to go home to cry?” I’ll tell you – that damn straw just broke someone’s back. For the most part I don’t think people are weak, I think it takes a lot to break someone down… and even the strongest can be broken. And when they fall they fall hard.

But I’ll tell you something else, if you break down someone strong be ready for the rebuild – bigger, stronger, better than ever. And if you thought it took a lot to break them before, beware my dear reader, of the product you'll get after the rebuild.