Three Ways to NOT Pick Up a Girl

I went to a networking event last week and a friend of mine asks me "so what's the best way to get a girl." Now, some of you ego-crazed men are probably thinking "really, dude? Really?" Well let me tell you, the stories I've heard - y'all could use a read of this blog post :)

Now, there are a few different approaches often used by men, here's a look at a few and I've rated effectiveness, scale of 1-10: 10 being the most effective.

1. The one who plots 

Effective? 6.5
The plan: instead of approaching a girl with a line or a "hello my name is ..." this guy is bound to drop his keys or something in the girl's line of sight in hopes he can grab her attention, purposefully bumps into her, anything that offers a nice lead in without forcing himself to think too much about what to say.

Why does this work? Either we laugh at the guy and think, "wow that was really weak, points for creativity and coordination, so hey what can it hurt" (unless he bumps her down some stairs or something)

Why does this fail? It's lame... And it's lame.

2. The one who has a line for everything

Effective? 3.0
The plan: this guy will find a line for everything "hey angel, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" "Excuse me; I think you owe me a drink.”[She says, "Why?"] “Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine. It was a rum and Coke, and I’m [your name].” Or how about that guy that makes a nick name for himself, "they call me go-getter, I go-get what I want, even you." Or the worst, when he tries to finish your sentence to suggest chemistry...

Why does this work? Some women believe they can really find someone who drops a line. Unlike the one who plots a guy might get a laugh - or a guffaw. Then she will probably call her friends over and ask you to repeat it ... oh wait I'm jumping ahead to the fail.

Why does it fail? This guy will become a joke, a trip down memory lane during girl talk "remember when that guy said ... "Also, no one knows someone in two seconds - even love at first sight is based on just that - sight not words, so finishing each other's sentences on day one is just annoying or a jinx. Lines generally don't work because they lack creativity and score high in search engine optimization - yes I'm saying he probably found that online.

3. Mr. Suave

Effective? 8.0
The plan: this one knows himself as the best thing she will see today, and he will tell her, "you're the best thing I've seen since I looked in the mirror." His over-arrogance, alpha-male attitude and good looks will basically make a girl think he comes with a horse and carriage.

Why does it work? All women want to be complimented and by someone who looks better than anyone their friends could pull, so if you create a technique capitalizing on such... well #FTW

Why does it fail? Sometimes these guys can go overboard and their cockiness isn't validated. If you're having a low self-conscious day stay away from this one, and yes we can sense fear.

I could go on, but I'll save you the time. Be yourself, I've heard people decide if they like someone within the first minute of meeting them - so if you lead with anything else, she won't like you.

More tips or failures to add? Write me some stories and we'll make it a series regular :)

Weight A Minute

Every girl has their fitness or weight issue. Mine? Happens in cycles, I'm a runner so naturally if I'm signed up for a race my endorphins are flowing I'm working out regularly, eating right and feeling nonchalant about grabbing extra toppings at 16 handles. What happens on the down turn? My poor boyfriend gets his dose of crazy. So on this occasion of a downturn my roommate unbeknown to me broke the weight in the scale automatically adding a full five lbs to your true weight. So, there I am a week before I'm suppose to be in a bikini, just finished a hefty cup from 16 handles and I weighed myself. In typical fashion I waited before my shower (can't have clothes weighing me down) and there it was... a number I've never seen before. I walked into the room face covered from a combination of tears and shower mist and I wallowed to my boyfriend about canceling the trip - an expensive non-refundable trip, clearly I wasn't thinking rationally. Luckily my honey let me rant rave and then explained to me the scale was broken, he had tried it earlier...

I'm not the only one with extreme measures. I had a friend who pledged to go on a survivor diet - she picked the hottest week in the summer where she did nothing but drink warm tap water for that week and sit in the hot sun. I guess re-enacting being on a desert island makes sense if you have convinced yourself your naturally small frame is morbidly obese.

That's the other thing, my friends have a tendency to exaggerate their features. Bloated stomach becomes a prognosis for lap-band or trying on pants after they come out the dryer equals neurotic stints at the gym on the elliptical. See ladies, pretty illogical when you read it in print.
So how can we change? What can I say to convince an entire sex that creating routines around dieting and what not to eat plans only makes for an interesting brag session with the girlfriends and that being skinny is only relative to who you are standing next to. Probably nothing, but let's face it the only person who really cares about how well you fit in a size 2 is your friend in a size 0 and she probably hopes they are a little too tight, but I digress...
I decided to impart this knowledge on health, beauty and dieting to my dear readers that I discovered while figuring out my own lunacies: scales can be broken, jeans can shrink in the wash, but you'll never look your best thinking you are already at your worst. Hopefully, this should get someone through their next stint, don't be so hard on yourself, objects appear larger in mirrors anyway :)