Happy, Slash

I've been in an information-gathering mood of late. Talking to people about their experiences, learning about different ways to live and dream, and taking advice that inspire how I can achieve my goals. And then, I stumbled across an article the other day in AdAge - an interview with Nancy Hill, that spoke about my generation's talent pool and how we present ourselves and self identify with occupations. The article calls us the "slash" generation... meaning when you ask someone today what they do for a living, you get an answer similar to "well I am ___ slash I do ____ slash also ____" a long list of qualifications. No longer do titles and nondescript credentials satisfy this generation.

It's like, if our personal stories and qualifications exceed the standard answer then it leaves us with no choice but to over-divulge information. The article calls this a "collective experience" essentially we identify ourselves not only as one thing or occupation, but as multiple experiences that add up together to make one complete picture.  But is this schizophrenic passion to be great at different things revealing my generation's inability to commit? Or is it a result of a bumpy path triggered by a less than desirable job market?

I can only say that in my experience, I have only wanted to do and be one thing -- a great writer. Now, if someone asks me what I do today -- am I a slash participant? Initially, yes, because part of my job now might be writing, but it's also managing projects. Until one day, I met someone and I gave them the slash schpeal and they told me I should stop watering down who I am with other attributes that hardly describe my interests and dreams. So, that's a piece of advice I took.
I sometimes feel like our generation over-compensates for their current positions because they are not doing what they dream of and therefore add specialties and skill sets to a seemingly straightforward answer.
It's one of those things, if you are living your dream -- then what else is there to reveal? This is all a part of that trite saying when you start to do what you're passionate about it stops feeling like work.

So instead of people in my generation being happy, they are happy slash ...

So I'm going to leave you with words of wisdom from another friend of mine. He said to me, decide today what you want to be the greatest at and make a declaration, for example, "I will be the greatest female creative writer of my generation." Now, whenever you're thinking about a decision or what to do, think, "what would the greatest female creative writer of her generation do?" And then act. So, slash generation -- pick your greatness today and lose the slash anything that looks like a division sign has to be divvying up your passion.

Fairytales for all!

In a perfect girl world, the most magical, romantical fairytale includes: a boy, an unrecognized love that grows over the course of 2 hours (movie time, 6 months real time), the epic fail of that love and then a male realization that he's almost lost the best thing he ever had. For years, no wait decades - this fairytale has manifested itself into the "happily ever after" syndrome that women dream of. We also tend to evaluate the success or failure of each relationship based on where the relationship falls in this ebb and flow.
But then, imagine this fairytale, with Justin Timberlake... cinema gold.

OK OK, this is not only because I'm an obvious NSYNC fanatic (closeted owner of the Justin Timberlake No Strings Attached marionette doll); the new movie "Friends with Benefits" was absolutely charming. A unisex romantic comedy, even the males in the audience (bf included) didn't feel like poking their eyes out throughout the movie. The perfect "one-size fits all" romantic-comedy naturally plays into the ebb and flow of the fairytale, but it also becomes a punctured story with jokes, witty comebacks and a peek into the real life of relationships. To every hyperbole it starts off with some truth and this movie is no exception.
The most obvious reveal is the boy/girl relationship and expectations, for example:

Partial Truth reveal no. 1: In the movie, Justin is closed off - not shocking if you date anyone in the 21st century. The reveal is as a girlfriend no matter how close she thinks she is to her boyfriend she always thinks and feels like he should tell her more. While he might consider family tragedy to be none of her business, she's always hurt when she didn't know.
Partial Truth reveal no. 2: Boys will hook up with the crazies no matter what density of attractiveness. Girls, will always upgrade (unless she's a bottom feeder). MK - chose a doctor, JT - chose a random from the bar.
Partial Truth reveal no. 3: Girls do not share. The inevitable moment when the girl becomes jealous and the boy becomes surprised and drops the whole "oh we aren't dating" line. 

There were plenty, but this blog will not submit to spoilers.

Justin has an air about him that seduces women and makes men want to be him. So in essence, a male digestible fairytale includes some truths as a nod to the brotherhood and still follow this trajectory onto happily ever after; where they find the person just past the end of their nose, and end on Day 1. You can't really see where things are a year later, which explains why there are never sequels to romantic comedies. I guess the morale of this tale is it's all about the moment, the submission to happily ever after, the love, and the fruition of a fairytale (and now I will put away my: I believe in LOVE button).

Weight A Minute

Every girl has their fitness or weight issue. Mine? Happens in cycles, I'm a runner so naturally if I'm signed up for a race my endorphins are flowing I'm working out regularly, eating right and feeling nonchalant about grabbing extra toppings at 16 handles. What happens on the down turn? My poor boyfriend gets his dose of crazy. So on this occasion of a downturn my roommate unbeknown to me broke the weight in the scale automatically adding a full five lbs to your true weight. So, there I am a week before I'm suppose to be in a bikini, just finished a hefty cup from 16 handles and I weighed myself. In typical fashion I waited before my shower (can't have clothes weighing me down) and there it was... a number I've never seen before. I walked into the room face covered from a combination of tears and shower mist and I wallowed to my boyfriend about canceling the trip - an expensive non-refundable trip, clearly I wasn't thinking rationally. Luckily my honey let me rant rave and then explained to me the scale was broken, he had tried it earlier...

I'm not the only one with extreme measures. I had a friend who pledged to go on a survivor diet - she picked the hottest week in the summer where she did nothing but drink warm tap water for that week and sit in the hot sun. I guess re-enacting being on a desert island makes sense if you have convinced yourself your naturally small frame is morbidly obese.

That's the other thing, my friends have a tendency to exaggerate their features. Bloated stomach becomes a prognosis for lap-band or trying on pants after they come out the dryer equals neurotic stints at the gym on the elliptical. See ladies, pretty illogical when you read it in print.
So how can we change? What can I say to convince an entire sex that creating routines around dieting and what not to eat plans only makes for an interesting brag session with the girlfriends and that being skinny is only relative to who you are standing next to. Probably nothing, but let's face it the only person who really cares about how well you fit in a size 2 is your friend in a size 0 and she probably hopes they are a little too tight, but I digress...
I decided to impart this knowledge on health, beauty and dieting to my dear readers that I discovered while figuring out my own lunacies: scales can be broken, jeans can shrink in the wash, but you'll never look your best thinking you are already at your worst. Hopefully, this should get someone through their next stint, don't be so hard on yourself, objects appear larger in mirrors anyway :)

Those Three little words.

"Oh, I'm sorry" - I probably say this more from bumping into someone than admitting I'm wrong about something. Sometimes I think these words might be harder to say than I love you or I forgive you.

So, the big question - in a relationship, who should apologize first? The boy. Obvis.
It's been my experience that when a man is in love his ego becomes half the size of his heart, which means he puts his lady in front and will apologize first. However, there are times when these boys attempt to assert their executive decision card and turn the tables - making their lady forget who was wrong and grovel to get back in good graces. Here's a prime example:

Once in a while I venture to NJ with my bf - he picks me up at the train. On the weekends the trains leave on the :11 minute of the hour and arrive into NJ on the :51 minute of every hour. Now, this particular weekend my phone was dead, but I've been making this trip for about 3 years, so I'm thinking - he'll be there no later than :55...wrong. I had to find a pay phone - yes circa 1980 - and try to touch less than five percent of the receiver to call, risking contracting ebola... fifty cents and ten minutes later, no answer, still waiting.
I'm mad. When he finally comes, I greet him with: "tardy for the party much?" And he becomes all Silent Stanley on me with an attitude, counter arguing that I should have a charged phone...  a random petty argument ensues, next thing I know someone is saying I'm sorry...

Luckily, these cards get thrown about as often as ladies shed those crocodile tears. Most boys, whether they want to admit it or not, abide by this common laws of dating:
Boys apologize to keep the peace and girls try not to look through their phones.

Happy, happier, love

Ah, Valentine's Day... all the typically cliches linger in the air. This time of year always makes me think about the "happily ever after", what it used to mean vs. what it means now. Back in the day, Cinderella was my favorite movie - my dad tells me I would cry and cry once the wedding bells rang and The End would appear on the screen. Back then, the only thing I was worried about was seeing the story again; anticipating the fantastical obstacles fate threw at the couple to keep them apart, but only in the end to see that true love prevailed! I didn't care what happened after "The End" because that was it; if they wanted you to think on it they would conclude the movies with "The Beginning". Every couple has their story and to the larger public once you hit happily ever after, it's just that, it's happy forever after that moment. With all the critiques and comments made about Disney Princess movies we should all consider that as our mantra for love: ... and you live happily ever after. But, see, Cinderella might have lost her shoe that day, but she knew where it was and she wasn't sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop - she was with Prince Charming, not  Prince "I'm temporarily" Charming "until you rationalize me as less than that". I'm thinking at that moment, when the wedding bells start to ring in the movie, Cinderella decided to live her life in that moment when she was happy.

A note to my dear readers, this post isn't to be taken as naive, it's one thing to fall in love and decide then and there this is love, it is quite another thing to fall in love with the idea of a person and have your expectations fall short.
So now, happily ever after makes me think of one moment. I can remember a physical moment in space and time when I fell in love. When something inside me was so happy and so present running for miles couldn't exert this energy. And with all his faults I can't help but still feel that happy - and when you are this happy, it doesn't have a time stamp, so it could very well be ever after... Happy Valentine's Day!!

I resolve ...

 I've been thinking about the New Year and what to "resolve" or more specifically, what  are all the things I want to make different in my life. 

Will 2011 be the year I:

Get an apartment on my own? Add a kitty or two to my one person family? See my family more often?

 I have this friend who grew up playing sports and she lives by the code of decorum teams and the athletic life has taught her, so she's always having us make goals. My three girlfriends and I will sit at dinner and she'll pop up with "OK, so what are your goals for the week?" It's a tedious process because it's almost like saying it out loud makes you act on it, since you know at least three other people in the world will call you out if you slack off. I love it and hate it. In sports you are judged on your stats - so of course the more you points you score per game the more valuable you become. However, you can also gain credibility for at least shooting at the goal, but I'm committed to a sport that only has a finish line... 

There are a lot of things I've started in 2010 - becoming a writer is one of them, becoming a marathon runner, making peace with some of my relationships, etc.  Like any other race these have to come  full circle. So I think this year, I will resolve the following:

• Be happy 360 days a year
• Be a writer to my toughest critics
• Be a marathon runner
• Live in the moment and stop planning so much!

Great. Now I've told at least 30 people and 1 person in India, guess by this time next year I better make good on these.

A note for my dear readers; although resolve means to "clear away, reduce, break with" I suggest only making one of your goals this year a reduction and the other resolutions should add to your life - just something I learned you're more motivated to do something positive than negative!

Happy New Year, write to you soon.