How much is that worth?

First I would like to say I appreciate a solid ad campaign as much as the next writer, but Mastercard your priceless-ness is becoming affordable. How can a person living in New York miss the ad campaign painting the subway and bus stations asking consumers to "sign up for a priceless New York experience". At its beginning,  the ad campaign had what Malcolm Gladwell would call 'stickiness'; the ability for culture to pick up a concept or fad and embed it into society as a way of life, but frankly times have changed and anything built with adhesive can fall off with the heat from the next hot slogan.

Maybe it's the whole process of becoming an adult, but I've learned everything costs something. The most sacred relationships can be torn apart by monetary value. It makes you think, what are you worth to someone? Do you ever turn down an expensive dinner or drinks out because it's the end of the month or pay day is too far away, and you think "it's not worth it". To give kudos to the ad campaign, these moments are priceless -- put it on your Mastercard!

Unfortunately, people and credit cards have limits. People are considered valuable by the contribution we can offer. Additionally, since we are also a comparative culture you can always find value in how the person measures up relative to something else. Even a relationship is subject to this price branding. Love is the eternal supply and demand example. If you give someone all your love and the demand for it isn't there, you lose. And the reverse rings true -- if you demand love from someone and they don't have enough to give you, you lose. Is there a 401-K for love? The love with a spouse, love one, sibling or parent ... Can you store all the love that you have with someone in the event you have a falling out? In which case you'll have a fund that you can draw from stocked with memories and evidence of that once solid love? Now that would be something to invest in!

Speaking of investments Mastercard, I beg you let the ad giant come up with something new for you in regards to a new ad campaign ... Use the promotion of giving away a priceless experiences in New York as a PR initiative. I'm surprised there wasn't a change in direction especially with today people are putting a price on anything! Unfortunately, nothing is priceless but maybe you could take a spin on the priceless concept, and tell consumers : Yes. It's worth it.

Two Faces in the mirror

I know. I know. It's been a while since I've written you ... the thing is, I've been struggling to concentrate my thoughts into a coherent piece for you to read. There have been a few ripples in the pond these last few weeks (to say the least) and pretty much my mind has been completely saturated with thoughts the only thing I could viably say I was feeling was confused. 

And on top of everything, my Internet and cable was turned off for like a week (don't ask); I was restricted to watching episodes from Sex and the City. Does any one else wonder why Darren Star's portrayal of New York, lacks people of color? The closest thing they come to are cab drivers and they don't have sex in the city - they live in Brooklyn. Frankly, all popular TV shows are like that or the women of color are asexual. Grey's ... Dr. Bailey - you can't see her as sexy, Christina Yang, she's too angry and focused to be sexy. The thing is I think women of color are too sexy for TV. That's right, we have too much to offer and some writer from a top tier journalism school has yet to figure us out. 


OK, OK, so you tell me to watch Girlfriends? First the show was canceled by popular demand and second I refuse to believe that every black woman can be classified within the following stereotypes; too hood for prime time TV, successful and non-marriage material, the light skinned confused one that doesn't know what she wants so settles on not settling, and finally the pretty one that loves herself too much she realizes no one can match her.  Are these women the mirror TV show of Sex and the City "in living color"?? Or is the whole premises of female television founded in the underline fairy tale of happily ever after? I'm not going to even mention the abomination of Lifetime movies. *Although as a side note, I have been known to watch one or two on a hyper sensitive weekend...

 And if you for a minute  take this theory of women television to be true, wouldn't the male counterpart of Sex and the City be ... Entourage? In this television fantasy the men never marry, or commit to anything, except making themselves better. At the end of each fantasy the women get to be with their men and men fall deeper in love with themselves. I agree that as a form of vicarious living this is true.

 The female characters being a identification point for ourselves. However, I fall victim and witness to  women in our real lives letting them become saturated with men and the thought of men or dating or marriage or a combination of this list. Here's a real life example, I knew a girl in college who's boyfriend was in medical school her fourth year. Every Thursday night in preparation for his visit she would give herself a bikini wax, deep condition and a manicure/pedicure. On a day to day basis she was always drop dead gorgeous, but I couldn't help but wonder if one Thursday she would forget one of her primping details and he would notice...? Honestly, how truthful and substantial is a relationship if her week was built off growing enough hair to wax on Thursday...


I know as women we aren't all like my friend from college, nor do we embody the "Carrie, or Joan" from the characters on women television; but again, I point out that for both men and women the characters allow us to see the value in feeling accomplished in the eyes of another AND ourselves.

When you look in the mirror you have two faces looking back you (no you're not drunk) but you're seeing yourself as in your simplest form. This is the person that knows they pick their nose or purposefully slams dishes in the morning out of spite for their still sleeping roommates. The other face is you of course, but it's the person you want people to see. No one wants people to know that they have a checklist by the door of things to remember before leaving the house. Or the blemish that is harder to hide, when left uncovered would reveal why you hate mother's day or tell the story of why  your prayers never change because you still have hope for people in your life that have failed you.  The combination of these perceptions makes you your own, the sacrifice or giving into one of these parts loses the whole. Although you successfully hide these things from people it's all apart of one. I journey to say first see yourself in the simplest form stick with her (or him) for a while, before primping and putting makeup on the other.

Now, for a special note to my male readers: love your lady as much as you love yourself... who knows you might find someone that loves you even more than you do.

Write to you soon ...

"Our dreams are made out of real things" -Jack Johnson

 The movie Inception ... must see, but only if you plan on not sleeping for the next week! Christopher Nolan's take on the dream world is shocking and somewhat invasive (I won't spoil it for those who still need to see it). But it got me thinking about  the concept of your reality being a dream; and the inability to differentiate between what's real and what is a dream. I admit I am a person that dreams deeply; so when I do dream I often wake up disoriented or frazzled trying to dissect what was true and what was part of the dream.

Anyway ... think about it - our world, our beliefs or thoughts of our lives are all hyperbolic or idyllic translations of a truth; and if we define our world off these truths then what becomes of our reality?

Then there is this idea of following your dreams, making them a reality and again the transition from dream to reality becomes fuzzy. If you are chasing a dream ... and even catch it, when did you stop dreaming and start living? I mentioned this when I first started writing to you, my dear readers: I remember dreaming of living in New York, working, playing in the city and enjoying life; but I can't put my finger on when I exactly stopped dreaming. There are some pieces of the dream that are still waiting to be fulfilled and some (like my apt in the heights) that were not in the dream at all.  It's all very interesting ...

But let's not give Christopher Nolan all the credit for visualizing this concept. Anyone else out there remember, Shakespeare? A Midsummer Night's Dream, the epilogue to the audience: 

"If we shadows have offended, 

think but this, and all is mended:
That you have but slumbered here,
While these visions did appear;
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream..."

Again, another example of a creative mind developing a "scripted reality" from layers of the same dream.

So after all this, here are my thoughts:  Your life is a series of captured "dreams". They lose their element because they are captured and forced into being real life. This is why you sometimes need to get away, take time to let your mind relax, wander and get back to a place that feels like the truth; and back to the dream you were chasing. Because real dreams (oxymoron, i know) are things you will always chase because they can't be captured and placed into social norms or cookie cutter images of life. Bottom line, my dear readers, let your dreams live in their own world and catch up to them only to remember what your truth really can be.

Ah hah! The missing piece of the relationship puzzle.

To my dear female readers a piece of wisdom.

Since I have recently taken a step in my personal  history, my current relationship is the longest I've had ... ever. This step can be shocking - it's one of those "great I'm doing something right!" and then it quickly becomes, "crap - better keep doing what I'm doing" (while silently making a list of everything you've done successfully). Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of things that I haven't learned about the male species or my bf (who can attest to this). But, I'm going to give you a piece of advice I learned because I would feel selfish without passing this gem down. Be confident in yourself and your relationship. Easier said then done yes, but here's something a little easier: Relax. He loves you, or he really likes you (whatever degree you are at this point) let things move forward instead of analyzing every step of the way.

So, I've put together a few examples of commonly misconstrued quotes, along with girlfriend interpretation and actual meaning. This way next time you hear this you won't completely freak out!

Quote #1: "I just need a little space, I'm going to have a boys weekend"
Girlfriend interpretation: "OMG. He's going to break up with me ... let me freak out as much as possible and make him miserable; so if he is in fact going to end it he'll do it sooner out of annoyance. And if he doesn't then I would've ruined his idea that he wanted space and he withstands another one of my crazy illogical tests."
Actual Meaning: "I see my girlfriend all the time and I just want some time to relax and not worry about faking enthusiasm over blueberry picking. I just want to hang out with my friends."
*The interesting thing about this common misinterpretation is that guys NEVER freak out if there's a girl weekend in the making. In fact, they are encouraged! (Although, we can all admit that this encouragement is short lived, since women tend to get around each other - complain and consequently take whatever "new found" insecurities out on their boyfriends at first sight; but the initial intention of supporting a girls' weekend is good). Moral of this story,  ladies, let him have his weekend - if you are meant to be you have nothing to worry about, he's not going to cheat on you, he's probably going to do exactly what he says "just going to hang out with his friends".

Quote # 2: "What do you mean 'do I miss you' I saw you last night?"
Girlfriend interpretation: "WTF. How could he not miss me, we had such a good night last night and it's all I'm thinking about and I can't believe he doesn't even care enough to miss me already! I have all these emotions that I can't wait to share with him and all he can do is trivialize my feelings by putting a time stamp on them! That's the last time I share how I feel about him, from now on it's Closed up Christine for him!"
Actual Meaning: "I don't feel the need to tell you how much I miss you or think about you every minute we are apart. At this point by default I miss you because I like being with you, but not so much that's it's bubbling out of me to tell you. I can wait until tomorrow to see you - I won't die."
*In defense of most women who default to the girlfriend interpretation this can appear a little vague - but think about this if it was in the other extreme ... picture a boyfriend that couldn't bear to leave you and the moment he steps in his car and he's out of hearing distance (since he screams I LOVE YOU out of his car window down the street)  he's calling or texting you how much he misses you. That's no way to live, or love for this matter. Bottom line: Relax he misses you - and keep it interesting so it will give him something to miss you for.

Quote # 3: "Do you think we could just have a night in tonight?"
Girlfriend interpretation: "WHOA. Who does he not want to see out - he's hiding something, since he knows I've been planning this meet up with all my girlfriends and I want him to come. How could he spring this on me?! Great he's cheating...fml."
Actual Meaning: "I want to spend time with you. Just you."
*This is my favorite reaction because it's not just with nights out, it's the reaction that comes from girls with any activity that boyfriends do not seem overly enthusiastic about (like blueberry picking - who wouldn't want to do that??). Ladies, I know you love your girlfriends, but if your man wants to just hang out with you that's not something to complain about. In fact it's probably a good thing because it shows that he doesn't need to go out constantly aka consistently scope out the room for the next gf. Or he's probably trying to avoid that foreseen awkward situation where he's the only man in a group of 10 women - can you blame him?

Key Takeaways - trust. If you trust yourself and you trust your boyfriend you should be able to read between the lines a little better and not default to your crazy "OMG, he hates me" thoughts. Enjoy your relationship and the people you are becoming together, who knows if you stop being crazy you might have time to love a little more and let him love you better.