The Physics of Dreams

Dreams, goals, ideas, and happiness; all ethereal aspects of life that keep us in a constant state of evaluation for change. These are all catalyst for life-changing actions, regardless of how they are categorized.

The impulsiveness of ideas and dreams make them what they are, but the self-negotiation could stifle that very pursuit of happiness and that's what we have grown to call decisions. So it goes like this the fire for change is ignited with a dream, goal or want for happiness, then you immediately enter a linear process where we evaluate a full list of criteria of the negatives and positives. Once you've analyzed and weighed the benefits you arrive at a decision to act. But, the action doesn't seem as life altering when it was just a dream because you've rationalized it. The fact-finding stage allows you time to be comfortable with a proposed action/decision or to declare it a good or bad idea.

But the very definition of movement is founded in the propellant, not ruminating. Hello, law of motion: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Pretty sure it doesn't say every thought results in an equal and opposite awesome list. 

Why is a woman like me, who took exactly one semester of "How Things Work", so intrigued by this simple equation? Well, I have a friend who just left her job as a PR executive and she's now going to be a nanny. Of course the initial reaction is to be floored, but I just kept thinking about how much I admired her gumption. She could comfortably say "I'm not sure what's coming my way, but now I have time for it, since I won't be stressed at an alleged 9-5." And it made me think, no matter what people might perceive of this decision it was hers and hers alone, she sought a way to be happier and the obstacle was her job, so she mastered that hurdle and found a new method of income. Given her open ended responses to her decision and what she would do about this or that, she spent exactly enough energy thinking about her decision and the rest making it happen. She's going to be happy with her decision and I couldn't be more proud to tell her story. Her energy behind her want for happiness created a progression forward that created an action. What's not to be impressed with that?

It's not easy and I'm not saying you should do things without thinking about it, but I am saying it's worth trusting your dreams a little more. To add another well known fact for support I can't help but point to Nike and the most popular ad campaign: "Just Do It." If this is good enough for the Goddess of Victory to live by that motto, then where can you go wrong?

Dare You to Tell the Truth

Friday, I spent a night with the ladies. An uninterrupted night (well besides the usual Harlem soundtrack) with wine, catch up seshs and trading of advice/stories.
Without going into detail, there were two ladies in somewhat transitional points in relationships: meaning it was starting to go down that "not working" path. My personal philosophy is that when you can start to identify those points that are borderline breakup material, you should probably end it before you become even more disappointed. So as I was top lining these convos of the night for the seemingly uninterested bf, he exclaims: "don't you know you aren't suppose to give your friends real advice? Just let them do as they want and agree to whatever it is."
Another odd, surprisingly might be true exclamation from the honeys. So does that mean, no matter how much my girlfriend wants my opinion she really just wants me to tell her "go ahead girl, stay with him?" At what point do we become intrusive as a third party and disable that sounding board effect you have as a friend?
We all know girl code exists, but I don't remember reading a vow of silence being ingrained in the commandments. We're also getting to a point where we have or had substantial relationship learnings that are crucial to pass along - and that leads to the sometimes uninvited comments. I admit I have been on the other end of the receiving unprovoked comments and I didn't want to hear that mess. So I know I'm not the only one that does it, what do we do it? I've decided there are two things that create this convoluted situation of what can be called Girlfriend Feedback.
1. Women, as most of us know, are infamous for ruminating. A natural, innate process that allows us to analyze, critique and belabor incidences, ever after. Girl talk is the pinnacle of the information dump that's going through your head all those days in advance of girl night. So when you are there telling your girlfriends your heart and soul, you don't really want to develop a solution or, as we say in PR, decide on next steps.
The second point is, it's hard to do when you care about your friends and you don't want them to fall into your old footsteps - you talk until you're sure you've convinced them. However, in the end it's her life and her decision. Something that works for you might not work for her: ergo stay out of it and let her make her own choices.
So girl night part two will include less commentary and more listening - guess that's why you have two ears and only one mouth right? Stick to those proportions.

She is my friend!

I had a very interesting conversation with the bf this week. I've had more than one of my lady-friends claim they are down in the dumps because they are sans boyfriend and living in the city. Take note, Sex and the City might look fun and exciting, but when you are living one bad date after another - it takes its toll. You begin to question whether you are the Carrie of your friends ... or the Miranda.
But never fear - Miranda gets married (and then her husband cheats on her, but that's WAY later). Anyway this conversation with my honeys of what to do about my friends feeling a little less than depressed came to a shocking question.

When it comes to friendships, do boys care more about their friends than girls do?
We landed here because when it comes to happiness it wasn't the amount of friends or social life that was evaluated it was all about the relationship status. My bf pointed out that it doesn't matter to a boy so much that it effects how you feel about a whole city and its experience. At the end of the day, it truly is bros over ... well you know.
For girls, it seems no matter how many friends we have or how many pictures we take having a blast, if there is no man in the picture (literally and figuratively) then the memory of the good time becomes lost. Even those in less than desirable situations, like a boyfriend overseas or cross-country, any relationship is better than none... right?
On the other hand, boys look for situations to celebrate without their girlfriends. Trips to Vegas, "boys night out", you get it.  Let's face it when was the last time a male created his milestones around a woman/marriage...

This idea of friendship and the ever celebrated "sisterhood" that is suppose to be one of the strongest bonds in nature could quite possibly be contingent on a male relationship. Not to bring up fiction or movies, but even in these depictions, female relationships are stronger when a male partner is found or established. Then the sisterhood bond is complete - and although fiction, these are the standards and social norms that we've adopted.

What's even more interesting is the aftermath of a breakup. Women - look to their friends for support and continual male bashing of the former relationship. However, the girl's friends can't help but point out that her relationship was unhealthy due to the lack of attention she gave them in the duration and that she was totally consumed in their relationship (can we say jealous). Unless, the relationship was really unhealthy I haven't heard of guy friends complaining of this "lack of attention" to the brotherhood!

So at the end of the day, the sisterhood is really a question of friend or foe and coincidental timing on a girl's relationship status. No wonder there is no status update for friendships or connections of Facebook, because I imagine a lot of women would have an "it's complicated" status.