A Phenomenal Woman

By now, I'm sure you all have seen Michelle Obama's speech from the DNC. If you haven't I encourage you to review and report back on how inspired you feel.

For me, it started out as a regular weeknight for me: leftovers and sifting through Netflix; when my boyfriend sends me a note saying, "don't forget to watch the speech -- Michelle O's on." Drop everything ... literally, and I ran over to my of course half charged computer for a chance to see the first lady in action. I'm not a self-proclaimed politico, but I appreciate beauty and intelligence just as much as the next person!
Her speech was incredible, no doubt about it, and she looked stunning. People tweeting "hope Romney wasn't watching this, he might not even vote for himself..." I mean it was good. When it was over the bf and I were rehashing the speech and I was trying to pinpoint what it is about Michelle Obama that makes her so engaging and it's very simple, she's an ideal woman. Before it's assumed, I'd like to clarify that it's indeed the pure character of Michelle that's appealing, absent of her skin color.

I couldn't say this any better, so I'll use the words of Maya Angelou, "it's the style of her grace... she is a phenomenal woman."

I'm sure she has her faults, I'm sure she has something that people don't like about her, but I've never looked to a woman outside of my Grammy as a role model. I mean really, how many people can you really say "I hope people will look at me and compare me to her...?"

I find the value of a woman and what it means to be "a woman" has become lost, somewhere this side of the feminist movement. Reality show stars gallivanting around claiming they embody xyz ... is beyond tired. Most of our "icons" we get to know at a surface level or simply value their financial successes. How many women in media/spotlight that you idolize can you really say "they are great because I'd like to be have the kind of presence she has" regardless of her financial success?

We excuse the absence of a defined "ideal woman" in place of an every woman for herself motto. Mostly because, there's a constant passive-aggressive conversation between women that aims to find fault in ... well anything. Or we consider idolizing someone as a sign of a lack of self-identity.
Well, sometimes there are people -- women that deserve appreciation and there are attributes that demand imitation. Michelle in her speech was supportive, but not submissive, humble and still assertive, confident without a hint of arrogance. What more can a girl ask for in way of a role model?

So, I'll close this post with my note for Michelle, you know since she might read this :)

Dear Michelle, I was already voting, but your speech made me want to vote that second! It also encouraged me just to be the best I can be, because I see you do it regularly and pretty flawlessly. That's all I'm looking for when it comes to leadership, a team in the White House that not only appreciates the same values as me, but lives them to the fullest...So, thank you - for being you!

Unfair for whom?

The Un-Fair Campaign: A cry for help for those who are privileged

Has anyone else seen this campaign called the "Un-Fair Campaign"? It's an initiative from Minnesota that hopes to put a stop on white privilege by leveraging those "affected" by this unseen biased. Creatively, it's clear this was inspired by the NO H8 campaign (writing on the face), but I would challenge this group to notice that NO H8 was simple in its execution vs. paragraphs written on a variety of Caucasian participants.

The idea behind this campaign is interesting. It's an initiative calling attention to the unfair ADVANTAGES that white Americans receive. However, here's what's fundamentally convoluted: The target audience for this, presumably Americans, fall in one of these two categories (with/or without color). Most initiatives succeed because they leverage statistics that have negative effects on the target audience; therefore, if the majority of this target audience, according to the campaign stands to receive positive benefits where does the inspiration live?

Not only does this have a lack of inspiration, but the call to action is weak: "hey, pay attention to us we're not being discriminated against!" I do admire this group for finding a niche way of articulating a challenge in America's society; however, by contrary this campaign negatively embodies a struggle for power that is uniquely "colored" by race.

You'll see what I mean if this campaign succeeds. The success of this campaign can also prove in its mission to be a failure. Given this is an argument that can also be seen in a larger debate regarding racial politics (historically and to date) put to the forefront by men and women of color; one can argue if this succeeds NOW with a "white face" championing the cause, privilege is still upheld.  


Not to mention, ironically, you can donate to these privileged suffers; now, what's fair about that?

Mane-stream Hair

It's been brought to my attention in more forms than one,  Black hair care is getting some limelight. Imagine my surprise when on my relaxing Friday night - watching Grey's on abc.com -- there's a Black hair care lesson thrown into the show! For context, Derek (Dr. McDreamy) and Meredith (main character) adopt a Black baby girl, and Dr. Bailey (a Black female doctor on the show) has to teach Derek about his daughter's "kitchen". A kitchen, dear readers is the consistently "tangled" part at the nape of the neck. Why is it called a kitchen? Who knows ... Anyway I thought this was so interesting because there's all this revived interest in Black hair! If we could count the number of tweets for Viola Davis' hair -- "go ahead girl show your natural do..." or "I think it's so great she's showing her natural hair..." For mainstream media to talk like they understand Black hair is interesting considering I've been practicing and studying for a quarter of a century and research shows inconclusive findings.
I do have an update and a plug, in my quest for a hair dresser. I think I might have found a salon ... in the city. Reasonably priced (again for the city) Shag Hair Studio NYC. So, I made an appointment from a friend's recommendation blindly walked in ... If you are unfamiliar with Black hair care and reading this post, let me preface this with not just anyone can work with our challenging tresses. There's technique and sometimes personal experience that qualifies someone to work with this facet of hair. Regardless of my hair stylist roots he was great - he used great product and made me feel good about my hair. You know those stylists that talk about how poorly you treat your hair with the only motive to make you visit more? We'll he didn't do that and I appreciate it, in fact I will go back!

Au naturelle

I've found myself contemplating, planning, making lists and trying to decide on what I should do with my hair, is going natural the answer? Let me pause for a definition: going natural means to stop processing my hair with a relaxer treatment. The relaxer straightens my hair, by breaking down the proteins that give my hair its makeup, but it also strips the hair of priceless protein oils for growth. Ergo, hair is a mess.
I've found myself obsessively thinking about how to go forward with my hair because if you don't know: maintain black hair is a long and arduous process. Why? I don't know, but let me demystify a few common misconceptions or things you just don't know when it comes to black hair.  My hair wet doesn't look the same once it's dried (unless you want to wait 2.5 hours). Washing my hair is an ordeal, it takes time - wash, deep condition, blow dry and flat iron. I'm tending to my hair so much on Sundays, I feel like I have to break have dinner for energy and go back to taming. My hair is thick - it's healthy for the most part (knock on wood), but it's thick. It's hard to maintain with my workout plan - ever notice in the gym, women either have "gone natural" (afros, twists, dreds) some other form of natural styling, but very few are relaxed and breaking a sweat. It's pretty much impossible and becomes an ultimatum it's either nice hair or a fit bod.

To me it's six in one hand half a dozen in another - relaxing your hair, hoping for little to no breakage OR going natural? I'm sorry, but I don't think I can deal with the TWA (Teeny Weeny Afro). Definition: TWA is the beginning of the natural process, when the person going natural makes the big chop, cuts all her hair down to get rid of the relaxed hair, what's left is a teeny weeny afro.

On the other hand I've seen evidence of perpetually relaxing and hair loss that can come of that. Plenty have seen the movie "Good Hair", but you probably only know a small dose of the reality that the documentary reveals. While Chris Rock so eloquently tried to explained to the nation the history and conundrum of black hair, it's not as easy as you think to go through and get rid of your process treatment. When you think about the time invested over years and years to see it do nothing, but make things worse? Makes you wish there was a warning label with the long term effects. Then again, it probably wasn't your decision - I can just see my Dad now, struggling with this massive ball of hair wondering "what can I do to my baby's hair?" and a Just For Me commercial comes on like an answer to his prayers.
Going natural won't save me any time - in fact I'll probably go back to where this journey all started and wonder - what am I going to do with this hair. 

So now that I've talked myself in circles, getting no closer to a decision, and making a confusing situation even nappier, here's my true question what is really going to work? Or maybe another peel off the old onion of life, is letting me know I'm going to need to accept what I have and make it work?
Either way, it's Sunday - so I have some hair maintenance to attend to. Until next time my dear readers!

How do you like your coffee?

I haven't done a relationship post in a while - so it was fate when I was pulled into a heated argument with my roommates (and one of their boyfriends) - tada! A post is born.
The question of the day: Do Black men step up to the plate when it comes to marriage? Or have Black women taken their role as Mighty Woman too seriously and their melanin counterparts are adding milk and sugar to their coffee?

Before jumping in, let me set the stage and give you a synopsis of the characters:
Roommate Number 1: She's loud. Her argument style is to keep repeating what she wants to say at increasing decibels until someone's ear drums burst OR someone throws up the white flag.
Roommate Number 2: Was the one with her boyfriend present, so she was a little quiet until he said something that could be indicative of their relationship.
The Male: #losing

The women argued that the men in this situation can't accept the responsibilities of marriage. Our male perspective told us that it was Black women like roommate number 1 that makes Black men shy away from marriage - implying her attitude was the main reason Black women don't make it to the marriage material folder (rude *insert eye roll). Both roommates seemed to be concerned that once the financial security comes and marriage is feasible - they add milk to their coffee and no longer like their coffee black and strong.

When I was asked for my two cents my answer was this: Most men black or white need to feel financially complete before they can commit to something like marriage. For example, if financial security is not in the horizon, chances are you're not getting a ring any time soon. In terms of the Black man changing their flavor and taste, I do think Black women need to expand their palette and consider a cafe au lait - if the coffee is weak.

Tracing outside the lines

I read a review in the New York Times for Ntozake Shange's newest novel "Some Sing, Some Cry". If you haven't read Shange's work, you should. She's a celebrated playwright, whose scripts are also fascinating and intriguing novels. Her newest novel, which I'll report back once I read, is a story through 7 generations of Black women. The critic from the Times explains in her review that the voices of the women become merged together and this complied with what she calls "soap-opera drama" takes away from this critical exploratory of the Black woman's life through history... We'll see, if this is true.

I'm very excited to read this novel because it's a topic that I've always enjoyed to read and write about. I have read many novels that are written for/about/ and by Black women. In many novels the reader can feel a tension in the narrative through the character's need to define themselves as a woman and as a person of color. Often this is reflective of the author's struggle and balance to be viewed as a voice in the literary canon as well as maintain authenticity to the Black community.

Authors create characters that can exist in both worlds, but the identity of the Black character, becomes generalized in an innate bias lens the reader has with Black novels. Since the Black community is viewed as a whole, anytime you read a book or novel about them the identity markers disappear and the individual character is lost. It's interesting because when you read books like: "Eat, Pray, Love" or one of Emily Giffin's series,  as a reader you don't gather the characteristics of the heroine and make a general list that would explain the Caucasian race, so why do readers do this with Black novels?

One idea that I've considered is that the Black woman is diverse in personality, vitality and spirit, but  Black women hurt from the same pain. It's consequences and life situations that bores this burden of being so unique, yet so categorically similar. This ties back to Shange's novel that traces through generations one underlining pain that feels so different in each woman. This could cause a blur of identities. Some might say, "aren't all women like this? Don't we all have the same hurt?" I can definitively tell you, NO.

Black women deal with an internal struggle -- accepting the self with a stake in two worlds; essentially, she has to trace a picture of herself outside lines that are already drawn. The structure looks similar, but can exist on its own with just enough space to be different.