A Phenomenal Woman

By now, I'm sure you all have seen Michelle Obama's speech from the DNC. If you haven't I encourage you to review and report back on how inspired you feel.

For me, it started out as a regular weeknight for me: leftovers and sifting through Netflix; when my boyfriend sends me a note saying, "don't forget to watch the speech -- Michelle O's on." Drop everything ... literally, and I ran over to my of course half charged computer for a chance to see the first lady in action. I'm not a self-proclaimed politico, but I appreciate beauty and intelligence just as much as the next person!
Her speech was incredible, no doubt about it, and she looked stunning. People tweeting "hope Romney wasn't watching this, he might not even vote for himself..." I mean it was good. When it was over the bf and I were rehashing the speech and I was trying to pinpoint what it is about Michelle Obama that makes her so engaging and it's very simple, she's an ideal woman. Before it's assumed, I'd like to clarify that it's indeed the pure character of Michelle that's appealing, absent of her skin color.

I couldn't say this any better, so I'll use the words of Maya Angelou, "it's the style of her grace... she is a phenomenal woman."

I'm sure she has her faults, I'm sure she has something that people don't like about her, but I've never looked to a woman outside of my Grammy as a role model. I mean really, how many people can you really say "I hope people will look at me and compare me to her...?"

I find the value of a woman and what it means to be "a woman" has become lost, somewhere this side of the feminist movement. Reality show stars gallivanting around claiming they embody xyz ... is beyond tired. Most of our "icons" we get to know at a surface level or simply value their financial successes. How many women in media/spotlight that you idolize can you really say "they are great because I'd like to be have the kind of presence she has" regardless of her financial success?

We excuse the absence of a defined "ideal woman" in place of an every woman for herself motto. Mostly because, there's a constant passive-aggressive conversation between women that aims to find fault in ... well anything. Or we consider idolizing someone as a sign of a lack of self-identity.
Well, sometimes there are people -- women that deserve appreciation and there are attributes that demand imitation. Michelle in her speech was supportive, but not submissive, humble and still assertive, confident without a hint of arrogance. What more can a girl ask for in way of a role model?

So, I'll close this post with my note for Michelle, you know since she might read this :)

Dear Michelle, I was already voting, but your speech made me want to vote that second! It also encouraged me just to be the best I can be, because I see you do it regularly and pretty flawlessly. That's all I'm looking for when it comes to leadership, a team in the White House that not only appreciates the same values as me, but lives them to the fullest...So, thank you - for being you!

Three Ways to NOT Pick Up a Girl

I went to a networking event last week and a friend of mine asks me "so what's the best way to get a girl." Now, some of you ego-crazed men are probably thinking "really, dude? Really?" Well let me tell you, the stories I've heard - y'all could use a read of this blog post :)

Now, there are a few different approaches often used by men, here's a look at a few and I've rated effectiveness, scale of 1-10: 10 being the most effective.

1. The one who plots 

Effective? 6.5
The plan: instead of approaching a girl with a line or a "hello my name is ..." this guy is bound to drop his keys or something in the girl's line of sight in hopes he can grab her attention, purposefully bumps into her, anything that offers a nice lead in without forcing himself to think too much about what to say.

Why does this work? Either we laugh at the guy and think, "wow that was really weak, points for creativity and coordination, so hey what can it hurt" (unless he bumps her down some stairs or something)

Why does this fail? It's lame... And it's lame.

2. The one who has a line for everything

Effective? 3.0
The plan: this guy will find a line for everything "hey angel, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" "Excuse me; I think you owe me a drink.”[She says, "Why?"] “Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine. It was a rum and Coke, and I’m [your name].” Or how about that guy that makes a nick name for himself, "they call me go-getter, I go-get what I want, even you." Or the worst, when he tries to finish your sentence to suggest chemistry...

Why does this work? Some women believe they can really find someone who drops a line. Unlike the one who plots a guy might get a laugh - or a guffaw. Then she will probably call her friends over and ask you to repeat it ... oh wait I'm jumping ahead to the fail.

Why does it fail? This guy will become a joke, a trip down memory lane during girl talk "remember when that guy said ... "Also, no one knows someone in two seconds - even love at first sight is based on just that - sight not words, so finishing each other's sentences on day one is just annoying or a jinx. Lines generally don't work because they lack creativity and score high in search engine optimization - yes I'm saying he probably found that online.

3. Mr. Suave

Effective? 8.0
The plan: this one knows himself as the best thing she will see today, and he will tell her, "you're the best thing I've seen since I looked in the mirror." His over-arrogance, alpha-male attitude and good looks will basically make a girl think he comes with a horse and carriage.

Why does it work? All women want to be complimented and by someone who looks better than anyone their friends could pull, so if you create a technique capitalizing on such... well #FTW

Why does it fail? Sometimes these guys can go overboard and their cockiness isn't validated. If you're having a low self-conscious day stay away from this one, and yes we can sense fear.

I could go on, but I'll save you the time. Be yourself, I've heard people decide if they like someone within the first minute of meeting them - so if you lead with anything else, she won't like you.

More tips or failures to add? Write me some stories and we'll make it a series regular :)

Return On Investments, relationship style

In business the ever-popular term Return On Investment (ROI) is almost always used in a question: What is my ROI with XYZ...?
When I hear this commonly over-used work abbreviation it makes me wonder, why shouldn't we evaluate our relationships on the same scale?
We all know you have to "put in work" when starting a relationship, but what if you put in too much and the relationship fails? Or what if you don't put in enough and your growth is minimized? OK, maybe I have work on the brain, but let me put this in context - AKA a story!

I have a friend; she's smart, successfully, cute, kind, and a little quiet. She carried on a relationship with a seemingly interesting male for several months. Time investment. She compromised her better judgment by engaging in late night meet ups. Investing in opportunities. She spent time ruminating and contemplating over each mixed signal, always hoping and considering the best-case scenario and ignoring the red flags. Bad investment... So when this not so awesome male figure ended up admitting to still being involved in a serious relationship with an old girlfriend and deemed himself emotionally unavailable, but anxious to keep her on his team, the relationship bank officially ruled: no growth or opportunity in this relationship, negative return on investment.
So what happens when you put in all this work and no benefits come of it? Is it no wonder relationships have transformed from courting to dating to sexting? Know what you're in for is today's mentality and it's all for the sake of saving your investment and energy for one person who really deserves it.  And no, this isn't something my friend expressed, these are situations that happen to everyone and unfortunately (or fortunately) the longer you are with someone leads you to a similar logical question of value or ROI: "is s/he worth it?". From a relationship perspective, begs a deeper answer from the heart and mind coming together to form a conscious decision. Often, the positive or negative answer to: if I give my all-will you be the one I love?
Similar to what I advised my friend, anyone who you feel is taking more than they can give is on the bottom part of the worth scale. Anyone that can try and make you feel less than YOU are worth doesn't deserve any investment, time- opportunity or quality. However, I do believe, there is a tendency to test to true value of a relationship. And there, comes a point in any relationships when we have to stop testing the worth and appreciate the value-otherwise you spend all your time analyzing the investment and never enjoying the benefits.

Au naturelle

I've found myself contemplating, planning, making lists and trying to decide on what I should do with my hair, is going natural the answer? Let me pause for a definition: going natural means to stop processing my hair with a relaxer treatment. The relaxer straightens my hair, by breaking down the proteins that give my hair its makeup, but it also strips the hair of priceless protein oils for growth. Ergo, hair is a mess.
I've found myself obsessively thinking about how to go forward with my hair because if you don't know: maintain black hair is a long and arduous process. Why? I don't know, but let me demystify a few common misconceptions or things you just don't know when it comes to black hair.  My hair wet doesn't look the same once it's dried (unless you want to wait 2.5 hours). Washing my hair is an ordeal, it takes time - wash, deep condition, blow dry and flat iron. I'm tending to my hair so much on Sundays, I feel like I have to break have dinner for energy and go back to taming. My hair is thick - it's healthy for the most part (knock on wood), but it's thick. It's hard to maintain with my workout plan - ever notice in the gym, women either have "gone natural" (afros, twists, dreds) some other form of natural styling, but very few are relaxed and breaking a sweat. It's pretty much impossible and becomes an ultimatum it's either nice hair or a fit bod.

To me it's six in one hand half a dozen in another - relaxing your hair, hoping for little to no breakage OR going natural? I'm sorry, but I don't think I can deal with the TWA (Teeny Weeny Afro). Definition: TWA is the beginning of the natural process, when the person going natural makes the big chop, cuts all her hair down to get rid of the relaxed hair, what's left is a teeny weeny afro.

On the other hand I've seen evidence of perpetually relaxing and hair loss that can come of that. Plenty have seen the movie "Good Hair", but you probably only know a small dose of the reality that the documentary reveals. While Chris Rock so eloquently tried to explained to the nation the history and conundrum of black hair, it's not as easy as you think to go through and get rid of your process treatment. When you think about the time invested over years and years to see it do nothing, but make things worse? Makes you wish there was a warning label with the long term effects. Then again, it probably wasn't your decision - I can just see my Dad now, struggling with this massive ball of hair wondering "what can I do to my baby's hair?" and a Just For Me commercial comes on like an answer to his prayers.
Going natural won't save me any time - in fact I'll probably go back to where this journey all started and wonder - what am I going to do with this hair. 

So now that I've talked myself in circles, getting no closer to a decision, and making a confusing situation even nappier, here's my true question what is really going to work? Or maybe another peel off the old onion of life, is letting me know I'm going to need to accept what I have and make it work?
Either way, it's Sunday - so I have some hair maintenance to attend to. Until next time my dear readers!

Reality ... really embarassing

I had a rough week. Innocently, walking out of the subway a bird pooped on my hand, this was the first in a sequence of unfortunate events. Anyone that says a bird pooping on you is good luck, has never had bird poop on them. The day proceeded to go down the proverbial crapper and I went to sleep hoping and praying for a better day. The good thing about a bad day is, tomorrow is bound to be better. I have found one sure way to bring up your spirits: the cure? Indulging in reality shows! I love watching random strangers make poor life choices to make me feel better.  I watch people duke it out on the jersey shore over a can of self-tanner or  people burying themselves in trash (which they became emotionally tied to). But, there are two shows I can't bear to watch: Teen Mom and Bad Girls Club. Teen Mom, the title is self explanatory on its ridiculousness so I'll dive into the other nonsensical entertainment show: Bad Girls...

This show is appalling, but on a small scale the relationships can be seen in real life. In the "bad girls" house you can harass a girl by throwing anything at her: milk, water, vodka, beer, BLEACH! All because you didn't like the way she looked at you -- it's fine, because there are producers to intervene when things get out of hand. It's sad because the dramatized (unnecessary) fights that happen are just hyperbolic versions of female relationships.  Take for example the ever popular "I don't like her, because I just don't"... I'm sure there are women that can admit to this or have been subject to such reasoning. However, since we live in the real world, women have to resort to subtle and snide ways to humiliate each other. This discrete battle royal is almost worse than television prompted drama because social decency doesn't allow you to retaliate, so you hold in that anger plotting for your moment to make a dig. 
I'll be the first to admit I'm not up to date on my women studies, but I'm pretty sure part of the movement was for women to band together and stop bringing each other down. In principle it's great, I'm all for it, but in practice it doesn't happen that easily. There are so many different elements that divide female relationships and yet, some things about women are predictable across the board.
As an example, the historical need to over-preform just to be on par with your male counterparts. (And sorry Black women -- you will need to over achieve in regards to your male counterparts as well as your racially opposite sisters.) I'm not going to pretend this will ever be any different or that our predictability and differences will harmonize into a real life sisterhood, but I would like to note the following:
1. Women (of all races) tend to live their life in hopes of making a permanent mark on history. Stop trying to write history, what has happened is unchanging, you have a better chance of changing the future.
2.We don't live in a scripted reality, and be thankful, we haven't been forced into a real life "bad girls club". We still have common decency and social norms that prohibit bleach from being thrown.
Oh, and a kind and smart woman told me number 3: "bird poop comes off easily"!