PSA by a Hopeless Romantic

I was always taught you should date for love. Find that inexplicable feeling someone gives you that makes you lose yourself in him or her and eventually find a better version of yourself. However, on several occasions now, friends have confessed that they aren't looking for "love" in the former sense, but they are looking for a partner that makes sense for them financially and politically. Now, none my friends are in politics, however, I keep reading all of these articles and posts about how love is dying etc. ... and I'm wondering if they drank the Kool-Aid? Or are hopeless romantics like me an endangered species?

Take friend #1: attractive, educated, reasonable stable and looking for someone that can fit in his cookie cutter vision. Love optional.
Take friend #2: good looking, type-A, currently seeking higher education and looking for someone that appreciates the obvious offerings AND can match her current expectations +.

I've purposefully chosen one male and one female so I don't read comments about "well it's a girl thing" later :) Both individuals come from great families, are very educated and looking for partners. So it's not to say they can't recognize love. I've argued at nausea the reason love is important AND recommended they watch the Notebook a time or two.

Unfortunately, I think my friends have given up. They don't see a benefit in looking for someone that will give them that half-baked cookie feeling in lieu of being stable and satisfying a vision that might/or might not work fundamentally. Partially, our economy is to blame; everyone in my generation is grasping their wallets and looking for efficient and successful ways to accommodate their dreams in reality -- and this same strategy has been applied to match seeking.
As a complement to all the articles that dictate the overabundance of work in our lives and ridiculous imbalance of work and life of course we have problems taking time to get to know someone for who they are and who they can be in one's future.

Given the current social dynamics and obligations, perhaps us hopeless romantics are on the endangered species list...but we won't go down without a fight (or at least we won't forget to release a movie this summer to inspire summer love).

Unfair for whom?

The Un-Fair Campaign: A cry for help for those who are privileged

Has anyone else seen this campaign called the "Un-Fair Campaign"? It's an initiative from Minnesota that hopes to put a stop on white privilege by leveraging those "affected" by this unseen biased. Creatively, it's clear this was inspired by the NO H8 campaign (writing on the face), but I would challenge this group to notice that NO H8 was simple in its execution vs. paragraphs written on a variety of Caucasian participants.

The idea behind this campaign is interesting. It's an initiative calling attention to the unfair ADVANTAGES that white Americans receive. However, here's what's fundamentally convoluted: The target audience for this, presumably Americans, fall in one of these two categories (with/or without color). Most initiatives succeed because they leverage statistics that have negative effects on the target audience; therefore, if the majority of this target audience, according to the campaign stands to receive positive benefits where does the inspiration live?

Not only does this have a lack of inspiration, but the call to action is weak: "hey, pay attention to us we're not being discriminated against!" I do admire this group for finding a niche way of articulating a challenge in America's society; however, by contrary this campaign negatively embodies a struggle for power that is uniquely "colored" by race.

You'll see what I mean if this campaign succeeds. The success of this campaign can also prove in its mission to be a failure. Given this is an argument that can also be seen in a larger debate regarding racial politics (historically and to date) put to the forefront by men and women of color; one can argue if this succeeds NOW with a "white face" championing the cause, privilege is still upheld.  


Not to mention, ironically, you can donate to these privileged suffers; now, what's fair about that?

Oh how far you will go...

A marathon is my limit, but what can you honestly say is yours? Running is one of those things our bodies naturally excel in. It's one of our basic reactions to fear or trouble - fight or flight. A long distance race is nothing more than a flight from the fear of failing.  It's a strange dynamic I think, but it's one that I love. This weekend I finished my fourth marathon and I have to say this was my favorite so far and was one of those runs where I finished and thought, "this is why I do this." So what did I learn this year?

Run the race in thirds: the first third with your legs, the second with your mind and the third with your heart. 

With this in mind, this is a recap my run:

The first with my legs: 0-9miles
I started the run - of course - having to go to the bathroom. My biggest fear this race was having to stop and missing minutes towards my goal. So what happens mile 4 : I can't hold it. Do I just let it go? Fall into the categories of runners who pee on themselves? No. I can't bring myself to do it -- sacrifice your body is one thing, running 22 miles in your own pee -- quite another... So I stop at a port-a-potty with a short line. A girl is waiting, I ask her how long her friend will be and she informs me that she doesn't have to go. So glancing at my watch every 2 milliseconds, I'm pacing out of anxiety and distraction to prevent from peeing - then her friend comes out and her friend goes "well I'm here now, might as well".... Fuming staring at my watch contemplating publicly relieving myself I start to panic, my pace group is out of sight, 4:40 pace group draws near. I pace even more and two and a half minutes later she finally emerges... Sweet. 2.5 minutes I have to make up. So because this is the part of the race I use my legs, I do just that - I finish my business and sprint to catch up with the 4:25 pace group -- Mile 6 I'm back in the race.

The second leg with your head: 9-18
The middle miles are always the hardest, after 13 miles no one is really cheering you on and you start to notice the nuances of the natural group that forms around you running your pace. I had the church group behind me praying the rosary for 2 miles (one involving a hill); I had the man running in a suit, I had the woman presumably coughing up a hairball. I had to play this one smart otherwise this was going to drive me crazy. So I told myself: "run for 2 minutes hard and take 2 minutes to stride." If you know me I made up a song to the beat of my pace "push, push, push for two more minutes --" counting down until I was at 15 seconds, then I counted the seconds." Very distracted and currently oblivious of my surroundings (except for the hacking because I'll be damned if I get spit on) I pressed on saw mile 18 come and go and I'm in the home stretch.

The third leg with your heart: 18-26.2
Now, you get to mile 18 and you think GREAT I have under double digits to go. And then it registers ... uh I have 8 miles to go. Mile 22 I slow for water and in an unprecedented move I bring my leg up for a high knee stretch. The sheer pain that struck my body at that moment was enough for me to cry, but I had 4 miles left and I was NOT stopping and for sure wasn't going to go down for a leg cramp! So I kept going and pulled a move only saved for this last set - I picked a guy someone I knew would give me a challenge and it was a race to the finish.
Happily hearing my name as I sprinted (yes I did!!) across the finish - my amazing boyfriend was there waiting ready to hug me in probably my most sweaty state :)

So I've divulged some secrets here that worked for me - that day I ran my personal best clocking a 4:24. A marathon is my limit, but my goals are without boundaries.
So how far will YOU go? Everyone has their limits, but this question is one of will not of ability.

Three Ways to NOT Pick Up a Girl

I went to a networking event last week and a friend of mine asks me "so what's the best way to get a girl." Now, some of you ego-crazed men are probably thinking "really, dude? Really?" Well let me tell you, the stories I've heard - y'all could use a read of this blog post :)

Now, there are a few different approaches often used by men, here's a look at a few and I've rated effectiveness, scale of 1-10: 10 being the most effective.

1. The one who plots 

Effective? 6.5
The plan: instead of approaching a girl with a line or a "hello my name is ..." this guy is bound to drop his keys or something in the girl's line of sight in hopes he can grab her attention, purposefully bumps into her, anything that offers a nice lead in without forcing himself to think too much about what to say.

Why does this work? Either we laugh at the guy and think, "wow that was really weak, points for creativity and coordination, so hey what can it hurt" (unless he bumps her down some stairs or something)

Why does this fail? It's lame... And it's lame.

2. The one who has a line for everything

Effective? 3.0
The plan: this guy will find a line for everything "hey angel, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" "Excuse me; I think you owe me a drink.”[She says, "Why?"] “Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine. It was a rum and Coke, and I’m [your name].” Or how about that guy that makes a nick name for himself, "they call me go-getter, I go-get what I want, even you." Or the worst, when he tries to finish your sentence to suggest chemistry...

Why does this work? Some women believe they can really find someone who drops a line. Unlike the one who plots a guy might get a laugh - or a guffaw. Then she will probably call her friends over and ask you to repeat it ... oh wait I'm jumping ahead to the fail.

Why does it fail? This guy will become a joke, a trip down memory lane during girl talk "remember when that guy said ... "Also, no one knows someone in two seconds - even love at first sight is based on just that - sight not words, so finishing each other's sentences on day one is just annoying or a jinx. Lines generally don't work because they lack creativity and score high in search engine optimization - yes I'm saying he probably found that online.

3. Mr. Suave

Effective? 8.0
The plan: this one knows himself as the best thing she will see today, and he will tell her, "you're the best thing I've seen since I looked in the mirror." His over-arrogance, alpha-male attitude and good looks will basically make a girl think he comes with a horse and carriage.

Why does it work? All women want to be complimented and by someone who looks better than anyone their friends could pull, so if you create a technique capitalizing on such... well #FTW

Why does it fail? Sometimes these guys can go overboard and their cockiness isn't validated. If you're having a low self-conscious day stay away from this one, and yes we can sense fear.

I could go on, but I'll save you the time. Be yourself, I've heard people decide if they like someone within the first minute of meeting them - so if you lead with anything else, she won't like you.

More tips or failures to add? Write me some stories and we'll make it a series regular :)